Thoughts on Early Termination (ET)

Rindra (my tutor)

Wednesday, 26 April 2023 (73)

I was late in packing up and had to walk to PC Camp. Fortunately, they were coming to pick up my bags which is now grown to three bags plus. It was good to walk through Mantasoa one last time. Saying goodbye to my host family was emotional for me. I never did get a good look at Toto's pups.

At camp I was asked to sit and talk with Brett - the country director. He expressed his concern for me and my failing language skills. He told me everyone loves me and thinks I emulate the Peace Corp ideals and just wanted to know what my thoughts were regarding language and surviving in the field. I'm not sure why but he put the notion in my head that I could just call it quits and leave. 

Going to class I couldn't concentrate on anything that was being said about installation. Perhaps I misinterpreted to the idea that I really should ET (Early Termination). I vacillated back and forth and literally told Brett twice that I would ET. I even asked if I could swear in and then ET. After the second time, I asked if I could leave tomorrow after I said my goodbyes. He said he'd need me to depart immediately. I'm amazed he even let me get so far as to talk this way and not insist I leave with him back to Tana. He wanted me to give it some time but I had gotten it in my head and determined to go.

Then I called Natalie at 2am, her time. She set me straight and insisted I needed to get to site before making any rash decisions. I also talked with Samson, and Cedric, as well as Rindra. They all hoped that I would stay but before I decided for sure, I should pray about it and really should give going to site a chance.

So I put it all on hold.

I requested to take my LPI today vs tomorrow - just so I could get that pressure over with and see if I had progressed any in language. It was with Ursula. I thought it went well until the end. She gave me to ultimate poker face if not a little worrisome look like 'sorry, you didn't pass' look. We hit most of the areas I expected but the scenario was about a co-worker who got a new job. I was supposed to ask 4-5 questions about it. I got one of two good ones, two questionable ones and definitely a couple bad questions. I remember asking if this was their dream job but used the word sleep instead of dream. "Is this your sleep job?" My hope is that I got at least one level higher to Intermediate Low as Brett hoped I would to justify keeping me onboard.

So I took the LPI for the second time today. Ursula was my tester this time. I didn't like the poker face she gave me in the end. It didn't look happy and she said nothing about how I did.  

Went to my final round table review which is where four of the staff talk about your whole training here and areas that you have problems with such as socializing, language (my problem), health, behaviors that are causing issues. For the most part, they consider me a perfect volunteer. Everyone loves me and think I have great potential apart from my language skills which are currently at Novice High. I briefly stated my desire to stay and I also offered my own evaluation of them. I also recorded the conversation on the off possibility that something would be said that reflexed poorly on me related to their often misunderstanding of my emotions.

We were asked to meet after dinner and the main topic was non-fraternization. We've had that and been there.

After 45 minutes, I just walked out of a discussion that went way too long for my tastes. Every what if scenario was brought up and could continue for a very long time. Someone doesn't seem to know when enough is enough. Teach correct principles and let them govern themselves. Too many Peace Corp volunteers may be looking for answers for every situation and act more like adult wannabes than real adults.

Thursday, 27 April 2023 (74)

I have heard nothing about my results on either LPI. Not sure what more to study or what areas I'm having difficulty with.

Here's the email I sent to Brett to walk back my talk about Early Terminating yesterday. Amanda came by to ask if I was staying. I also let her see the email I was sending and she made a good suggestion or two. 

Brett,

Please disregard my comments yesterday. I think your ideas got me thinking along bad reasoning - my fault - not yours. I have spoken with friends here and with a higher authority - my wife - and she set me straight. She knows me best and what my motivations and reasons for being here are. I agree with her and know I need to truly get out there and know how or even if my language skills would be an issue.

Let me know if I need to say or speak to anyone else to ease their concerns over me. Consider me on board for the duration. I need to discover the real Peace Corps (and my role in it) out in the field before I make any bad decisions based on my current language skills. 

Again, sorry for being a trainee who probably appears off his meds. Thanks for your guidance in insisting I take the time to think it over. That was excellent advice.

Later in the day I received this.

Hi Rick,

I just learned that you scored “novice-high” again yesterday.  Please spend some extra time in the next few days to bring that up to “intermediate-low” next week.  If you need an LCF to help you over the coming weekend, we can likely provide one.  As I mentioned to you, I’ll agree to swear you in if you can get this result (combined with the commitment you already gave to me to continue to work on your language after swearing-in).

Thanks,
Brett E. Coleman, PhD MBA
Country Director | Madagascar

At first it was devastating. Not only did I think I did well but I can't determine what I have to change, improve or add on to get a higher rating. So far, I haven't received any feedback which I suspect would be coming but they are holding it to review with the higher powers and slow to get any back to me. Eventually, I just decided to suck it up. I told the head of our language that I wanted to be tested again tomorrow and every day until I get it. Rindra and I came up with a plan. I figure if I know better all the question words I can ask 4-5 questions no matter what the scenario I'm given would be. Then I added a couple more statements to memorize that would have addressed what I think I missed on the tests. Perhaps my biggest issue is that I have a hard time distinguishing what question I am being asked. I know for a fact that I answered a couple questions wrong. But even having the question repeated a couple times doesn't always explain what I'm being asked.

Friday, 28 April 2023 (74)

There are just a few short classes and they are not really heavy training - one on dance and music, another on empathy and inclusion which was taught by my tutor Rindra. She asked for examples of people who were allies and showed care and concerns for you. After a few minutes to contemplate, she asked for stories and examples. I expressed my difficulty with the language to the group and through all the stress and worry, all the struggling and difficulty - Rindra was always there to cheer me on and provide encouragement and inspiration. I said that if there was anyone who should teach this class, it is her, as she is profoundly qualified and exemplifies empathy in all she does. There was some applause and it took her a moment to compose herself and get through the moment. It was a great opportunity to say my piece in front of others who think so highly of her.

This morning, I had asked head of language training for another language test this afternoon. And insisted, if need be, a daily test. I mentioned how I'm not stopping until I bring up my language level - until I get this. I'm taking the positive approach. He looked happy to see that attitude. I then thanked my last tester even though she had scored me Novice Mid.

I discovered later after classes, it only helped, as I received an official invite to the swearing in. I clarified with him what that meant and if it indeed guaranteed my being able to swear in regardless of my language skill level. He said it did.

And then the third LPI.

I suppose I should have been less nervous but I wasn't. Here was a third tester who I always felt was sympathetic and kind to me. It started off well, but soon I found myself confused with several questions and wondered if I was answering incorrectly. Again the mivoyage (travel) question, and again I was very concerned I said the completely wrong thing. We went on and on until I thought we had finished. Only then did the tester bring out the scenario cards and asked gave me a scenario about being new to the neighborhood and needed me to ask 4-5 questions about them to discover more. 

Of course I was thinking beyond the obvious. There's no way that she wanted me to just ask the normal questions so I tried creating new one and had a very difficult time just handling words for neighborhood and seem to confuse my tester as I applied Mantasoa to this new neighborhood. Then I did the basic thing and asked name, where they were from, how old they were, if they were married - all the things that I never expected she would want me to repeat.

I think this was my worst performance of the three and I definitely gave off the vibe that I did terrible. She, on the contrary explained that I did good (whatever that means) and said we had literally talked for 20 minutes (I thought it was closer to 15) and that is an accomplishment in itself. I got the usual talk that I need to give it time.

Of course I wouldn't be getting any feedback on it this evening until they wrote it up and passed it up the chain of command. Later Benedicte would come over and share with me she had heard my comments about being the worst with the language and just wanted to share she too was below the required level. We traded studying ideas for our next test, which I hope there won't be anymore.

For now, I am relieved from the stress and pressure of having to do well - of having to deliver on a test. I had thought my testing days were well passed me - one of the benefits of retirement. I've lived with this new stress for weeks but for now, it has disappeared. Perhaps I will discover the need for another test - perhaps not, but it was nice to feel happy with no cause for worry for once in months.

Language Proficiency Test

A group practicing for their presentation.

Tuesday, 18 April 2023 (65)

The presentation went very well today. Most of all the LCF's came up to congratulate me. They said it was well understood and I did a great job at repeating the important parts. I think I did a better job of presenting than some utilizing a few public speaking tricks. While everyone read theirs, I got out from behind the table and looked at my subjects as much as possible. I was very touched by some members of the audience and got very emotional at the end - much as I do in my talks at church. It had the impact I was hoping for. It helped that I picked a topic to inspire and give them motivation for action - to do the small things in order to be an example - we're all here to do small things.

It is a relief to have that behind me. It isn't as stressful as the LPI language test in two days but good confidence to put behind me with the language. Even the language administrator who tested me for my original mock LPI gave me praise and said I'll do great in the field. Now if that helps me any in the LPI I'll take it.

Wednesday, 19 April 2023 (66)

We are at Peace Corps Camp for today and the night. Last day to practice and review for the LPI. The list is posted and I have Tojo for my tester tomorrow. It looks like I'm first up. I feel both confident and still nervous. I know I've put in the time and have memorized and studied as best as I could. Yes, there were many more hours I could have put in but didn't. I am not quite sure I deserve much heavenly help but am counting on some. Maybe this isn't as big a deal as it has been made out to be, maybe it is. Either way, I know they are not likely to send me or anyone home at this point. None of us are that bad with the language although if it was bad enough and if there were other factors like being also insubordinate or often drunk, than yes, there additional reasons why the Peace Corps could justify sending someone home. 

Our country director is here and talked about the excessive drinking and discussed how he's been encouraged to go back to a dry PST (Pre-Service Training). There has been numerous complains here and while we've been on the road and at our sites where people have complained and brought up the loudness and public intoxication that has been common. I myself feel embarrassed by many of their behaviors. I even apologized to the German tourists in Moramanga for our group's bad behavior.

I'm pretty much done with the G58's group chat. There's no discussion there that has much relevance and so many seem so caught up with many things unrelated to our service here. It's almost all "I" centered with petty grievances, inconveniences, or complaints. People post there similar to social media with their party pictures or latest novel experience. Others use vulgarity in spoken and written communication with every other sentence.

It is an understatement that I won't miss most of my cohort and will be happy to be away from this group in just a few more weeks. I wonder how some will survive in the field, like the volunteer who has one or two of their host family's son's bring her gear the half mile to the post office where we catch the van to PC Camp. How much stuff does one need? And wouldn't you have left somethings at Camp in the first place. I bring a change of clothes, my laptop, camera and little else. I left more clothes and hygiene items in my camp room for trips back here. 

Walked into town to get my phone recharged. Walked back and bought snacks to give away. Spoke with several along the way.

Had my last language class before my test tomorrow. We went over all the conversation and dialog I suppose one can encounter on the test.

There's another dance/singing rehearsal to be had in the next few minutes. I'm not planning on doing either and am wondering how much grief I would get for not participating. Maybe my age would be of some help on this. I did discover two others who are not planning on singing or dancing so I am no longer the only one.

Thursday, 20 April 2023 (67)

Thought the LPI was this morning but it turned out to be at 10:30. I couldn't wait to get this over and asked Tojo if we could do it early. We had a good conversation and said that we could do some scenarios at the end if I like. He had his cards with the scenarios on them. He never used them. Instead he went off the script early and ask me about trips to Europe, where I traveled, favorite countries. I was at a loss and likely used only a few phrases vs complete questions. Back to more comfortable areas but he literally didn't ask me about hobbies or the experience and nearly dropped my entire reason for being here. In the end I had to bring it up and gave my 8-10 line answer to why I am here.

Eventually, he said the LPI was over and turned off the recorder. We then spent another ten minutes talking about the people, video and the stories we'd like to tell. He never said I passed or failed and when I did ask him, he said he would review the tape and write it up and let me know.

I think it could go either way. Just relieved it's over.

Others talked to me and all had passed so far. It seems that others either passed with flying colors or their evaluators didn't see the need to write it up first.

Two or more other volunteers who also had Tojo have not heard yet. Staff said maybe by tomorrow. Possibly tonight.

I lay down to nap and when I awoke, I heard that two staff members wanted to speak with me. So here it comes, they are going to tell me I didn't pass the language and will need remedial training. Instead they mentioned the presentation I gave on Tuesday. They had concerns over the emotion I expressed. Culturally the Madagascar people are used to more stoic behaviors from their elders. OK, process the information. Don't try and defend. Basically, they just said I have to tone down my public display of emotion. Got it. By the way, keep your hands out of your pockets and don't put your hands on your hips. Good advice. Moving on. Try not and take it as an afront to who I am. Though one of the staff doesn't have an agreeable bedside manner. Just the messenger.

But as I have now thought about it more. There was something the staff member said about the next two weeks being very stressful. I think they will be anything but. I am now thinking they may think that my emotion is an indication of me having a difficult time and am expressing that emotionally. I think they don't get me, or my reasons, or emotions. 

Just move on and avoid emotion in public settings. It's a culture thing here. Great. Next.

Later, I told the other staff member - thanks for the advice. He didn't make me think I was unstable, just brought up the cultural context.

We had our Host family celebration - lots of talks in Malagasy (translated into English). All six groups of special guests got thanked by every speaker and said the usual flowery things. Our Peace Corps representative Taliyah Meyers did an excellent speach - perhaps the best Malagasy accent I could expect from an American - she could have passed for a Malagasy. There was our dance and singing. Three of us hung back holding a picture, Madi made. The dancers were actually very good.

When it was time to go - I made a present of my Indiana Jones hat to my host dad. Now I should try and find something for my host mom before I leave next week.

Friday, 21 April 2023 (68)

There was a football game (soccer) between our host families (mostly the teenagers) and us (including some LCF's). I heard we won 3 to 1, which doesn't seem to be right but that is what I heard. I actually turned up for 30 minutes and the opposing team looked very good at passing while we were not.

This evening I received the following text message:

"Salama, we realized that you have progressed a lot on your language learning. However, you still need to go higher to reach the level required. You got Novice High which is still lower the level required. I want to encourage you to practice the language because it is the only way to be good at Malagasy."

Not sure what it means exactly, or what the next step is. It mostly just bothers me to think of what some of the others might think, especially if it encourages them to think us older people are having language problems. Which we are. Some of the others who also had the same tester are also falling short of the Intermediate mid-level we are supposed to attain. 

Had lots of thoughts good and bad but I just need to sleep on it.

Saturday, 22 April 2023 (69)

Sleeping helped me look at the situation better. I realize that it is likely an adequate assessment of my language skills. I was mostly preparing just for the test and my tester went off script enough to catch me having conversational problems. If anything - it is probably good to get my mind back to thinking what I need to do to actually be more conversational.

Rindra and I spent time going over many questions I had about words, word choice and word usage. I am the one deciding what I need now and I am optimistically thinking about what I need to study in order to pass the LPI at a better level. Still have not heard what next steps are involved. It was always told us we would not be swearing in with the group if we didn't pass the LPI but I haven't yet heard that. Maybe on Monday the details will be told us.

Switched over to Orange cell service as my phone just eats data on Telma. Also spent more time with Sam. We hit the bar and of course I had soda and we talked till dark.

Thumbnail from LPI Interview

Sunday, 23 April 2023 (70)

A little discouraged today. Did study about a hour or two as I went on a long couple mile walk this afternoon. Also filmed myself about the LPI results and finished editing that piece. I also filmed a short interview with my host dad - Mr. Robertini and will edit that shortly.

Monday, 24 April 2023 (71)

A couple of classes today. One on finding and using a tutor in the field. The other on Motherhood and pregnancy as our initial emphasis in the field is pregnant mothers and children under five (the first 1000 days). Very short classes with the rest of the time being ours. I need to study. 

I heard from the language people that I'll have a chance to retest on Thursday. It seems that there are like five of us who didn't pass.  I believe all of those that Tojo tested didn't get a passing score. 

Rindra and I spend some time in dialog and then talked business. She wants to market her services teaching English in a fun way. I've offered to help so long as I don't make any money or get paid anything. She can help me with Visualegacy's should I do any here. Or she can assist me as I attempt to tell some stories of the Malagasy people.

Three more meals to go. I expect more meat and potatoes. I just would rather it wasn't cold or boiled or noodles without any toppings. And of late, salad had come back on the menu - but I'm not eating much of it.

When it's all done here, I'm likely to come out as the quietest of their five volunteers. Is it me or them or both? I've always had problems conversing as they have a tendency to finish my sentences or just take my dialog as it is. Never can tell if I'm on the money or not. I think we've exchanged maybe four sentences on average at each meal. I'm pretty sure they think I speak badly and they are right on the money. Fortunately, the TV has been on for every meal - including during the prayers.

Host family and I

Tuesday, 25 April 2023 (72)

Last day in Mantasoa. Back to PC Camp tomorrow. Just a few short classes this morning. One on what we can expect to be doing our first three months on site. Another on picking a counterpart that will work with us and eventually come back to Tana in three months for additional training with us. Another on CSB reporting and finally a class on Covid 19 programming in the field.

Everyone seems to be excited to get to their new home sites in a couple weeks. Many are not happy to leave their host families. For many of these young people the families have acted as a support for them and given them food, shelter and friendship. Many have had children who have become surrogate brothers and sisters. Most of these guys are fresh away from home of barely on their own in the real world. 

I, on the other hand have had an elderly couple very close to my age. We've done nothing together, have little in common, but they have been wonderful landlords. U am sure my language took a dive with no one to practice with afterhours or so I did not choose to do so. The food was fine, however cold, flavorful or lacking in spices. But it was also lacking in vegetables and for that I am grateful.

I took a head count a couple times today and noticed our numbers were down to 21 PCT's. Who was missing? I learned from that another female ET'd last Thursday. How is it that no one told me? It wasn't in the chat and there was no conversation I heard about it. I don't know all the reasons for her leaving. I think it may have something to do with some harassment here or at her site. There's the idea floating around that perhaps she didn't feel safe or think Peace Corps could guarantee her safety.

Interviewed Rindra today in both English and Malagasy for my video as well as her business needs.

Malaria Presentation

Sunday, 16 April 2023 (63)

It was a good day for practicing Malagasy. I went for a long walk and spent the whole time going over conversation for the LPI. It a funny thing when we are supposed to know the language but our instructors have a conversation with another native and we hardly can make out what is being said. The language is very deep and we are just getting the baby basics of it.

Malaria PowerPoint Title Slide

Monday, 17 April 2023 (64)

My roommate, ET'd (Early Terminated) today. I was one of the last of the group to hear about it. Apparently, he has been thinking about this for a couple of weeks and confided in a couple people. A vehicle came for him and whisked him away to Tana. The staff doesn't like it when this happens and tries to not have us talk about it or know too many details. I can understand how it could become a thing if others feel similar.

It wasn't that he didn't fit in or couldn't speak the language. In fact, I thought he was doing very well in all aspects and thought he made a pretty good poster boy for the Peace Corps. The story goes that he just didn't feel this was the right thing for him at this time. He supposedly didn't feel comfortable doing the health thing and going out in the community and talking to people. A couple of the girls were closer to him and may be taking it hard. I am surprised in how quick it occurred without any notice nor goodbyes. Just another example of how quickly the world changes - and people come and go so quickly here - and everywhere.

We also rehearsed our presentations in a group setting here as practice for tomorrow's final presentation. Many still seemed unorganized or sketchy in their presentation skills. We are all just doing a lot of reading from paper, even so, some hardly connect with their audiences. Imagine giving a talk and having stage fright - now add the foreign language.

Here's my final presentation - in English and Malagasy. It's not so interactive - mostly a speech on being an example. Also some of the Malagasy is in phonetic spelling for me not to mangle the words too much.

Hello, gentlemen and ladies.
Salama tompko lahy sy tompoko vavy. 

My name is Rick. I am happy to meet you all.
Rick no anarako. Falymafahantatra, ianareo. 

I am here to do a small thing.
Tonga aato aho hanao izay kely bavitako.

I will be a volunteer at the CSB II in Sahanivotry.
Ho volontera any amin’y CSB II Sahanivotry, aho.

I desire better health for all.
Maniry fahasalamana tsara kokoa ho wanyrehetra, aho.

I would like to ask you some questions.
Te hamay-traka fanontanina anareo, aho.

Tazomoka.

What causes malaria?
Inona no mahatonga tazamoka?

You all know Malaria is caused by mosquitoes.
Fantatrareo fa ny tazomoka dia azo avy amin’ny moka.

What are some symptoms?
Inona no soritr’aretina?

You all know the symptoms (fever, diarrhea, etc.)
Fantatrareo daholo ny soritr’aretina (tazo, aretim-pivalanana, sinseesa sinseesa…)

I have spoken with many people.
Ne-resaka t’aminy olona betsaka, aho.

I have asked many questions.
Nanotany fantanina betsaka, aho. 

I don’t know the real problem, nor the best solution.
Fa tsy tena haiko ny olana na ny vaolana.

But I do know this:
Fa afaka milaz ity, aho.

Malaria is a complicated problem. But let’s first start with mosquito nets.
Sarotra ny mamaha olana momba ny tazomoka fa ity misy hevitra tsotra iray: 

Mila mampiasa lay (lie).

Ask yourself this question: Why do you use or do not use a mosquito net?
Mantaniatena, ianreo: Fa ahona mampiasa na tsy mampiasa lay (lie), ianareo?

Why?
Fa ahona?

Do you have that reason in your mind?
Ao (ow) an-tsainareo ve ny antony?

You know “how” to avoid malaria – including using a net.
Fantatrareo “ahona” ny miady amin’ny tazomoka anisany ny mampiasa lay (lie).

But will you?
Fa moa hampiasa ve, inareo?

Why?
Fa manina?

Perhaps one of the reasons: is for us to be an example.
Angamba antony iray ity: satria tokony manao ohatra, isika.

Let me explain.
Mamela ahy hanazava, anareo.

Americans know there are people around the world who need help.
Fantatry ny Amerikana fa betsaka ny olona mila fanampiana.

People who have health issues. Most know this but do nothing.
Olona manana olana ara-pahasalamana. Saingy tsy manao nino-ninona, izireo.

I have come here to do something. To volunteer. It is a small thing.
Tonga aato aho hanao zava-cha kely. Hanao voluntera.

My efforts may not save any lives. My efforts may not change the world.
Mety tsy hamonjy aina ny asako. Mety tsy hanova izao tontolo izao.

But many view my efforts to help as an example.
Fa lasa ohatra aho ny fahatongavako aato.

Perhaps they will themselves be more helpful.
Angamba mety hanampy koa, ny olona hafa.

Perhaps they will do more small things to help others.
Angamba mety hanao zava-cha kely bavitany koa, izireo.

Use a net! Become an example.
Mampiasalay (lie), mba ho ohatra.

Maybe it will do nothing. Maybe it will save your life.
Mety ho zava-cha kely izany fa mety hanavotra ny inao.

Maybe your child, or your family will also start using a mosquito net.
Angamba ny zana-cow fianakavinao no hanomboka hampiasa lay (lie).

This is a small thing. This is a good thing.
It may be inconvenient. You may think you are not at risk.
Zava-cha kely izany fa zava-cha tsara. Mety tsy mahazatra.
Angamba mearcherrytra ianao fa tsy olana be izan.  

How many people in Madagascar get malaria?
Firy ny olona aato Madagaskara voany tazomoka?

2,000,000
Roa tapi-trisa.

How many die?
Firy ny maty?

10,000
Iray alina.

Would they like to go back in time and do that small thing?
Mety ba naniry ny hefarina ati-ow-rena angamba izereo ka hanao izany zava-cha kely izany?

Would they like to have their health, or their child, or their spouse back again?
Mety ba naniry ny hefarina ny fahasalamane ny zanany na ny vadeny, izereo?

Probably.
Angamba.

Being an example is a good reason “why”.
Ny manoa ohatra dia antony layhibe iray.

It is time to decide.
Fotona izao hanapana hay-vitra.

I plead with you. Do what you know is a good thing. It is a small thing.
Miangave anareo, aho. Atovy izae fantatrareo fa tsara, na zava-cha kely aza. 

The world needs more examples.
Mila ohatra izao tontolo izao.

The world needs you and I to do more small things.
Mila anao izao tontolo izao mba hanao izay kely vitanao.

You may not change the world.
Mety tsy hanova izao tontolo izao, ianao.

But you will change “your” world.
Fa mety hanova ny tontolonao.

And you may save a life.
Ary mety hamonzy iina, ianao.

My name is Rick.
Rick, no anarako. 

I am here to do small things.
aato aho hanao zava-cha kely mba vitako.

Why are you here?
Ary nahoana ianareo no aato?

Final PowerPoint Slide

Arogance

Mantasoa from the hilltop

 Tuesday, 11 April 2023 (58)

We are well into language review - going over all the basics and literally studying for the LPI (the language test which is a week from Thursday). Rindra and I went out and spoke with several people with the idea of getting me to hear some questions when it comes from another person and their accent. I can't say it worked well. I am probably comprehending what is being asked of me a third of the time and unfortunately, people only understand me about have the time. I still have a tendency to ask phases and incomplete sentences.

I do think we have nailed down the phrases I plan to use as well as be on the lookout for specific words and questions that likely will be used to ask me for more details - about my experience here, about my host family, or about the training.

This afternoon we had a session on instructional design. I did my best not to let my forty years of teaching in church, at BYU, at Intermountain Healthcare, my degree in instructional science and unfinished masters in mass communications, my textbook videos, my third world dental health, and other instructional videos through the years get the best of me.

It's an hour of two on how to put together instruction. When will the years and years of experienced teaching occur that actually give these guys real knowledge about teaching? 

We were separated into groups and given a chance to put together a 10 minute presentation on diarrhea. I bought up the possibility that we let some of the mothers speak and bring up some of the causes as well and cures they have discovered over the years. I was shot down saying that I was too confident in thinking the mothers had any real answers. I wonder how a young American Peace Corps volunteer with no specific training in healthcare, with no children can be arrogant enough to think they know more about the causes, local treatments, and motivations more than a mother who has been raising children for years.

Sure we can bring modern medicine and practices into this - as if we knew all best practices and modern medicine. We know what the few hours of instruction the Peace Corps has given us. Sure we can correct bad information, or give information when none has been received or known. But to think mothers haven't had to deal with this and we have all the answers is BS. These guys don't know their audience, they don't know how to teach, and they certainly aren't going to be successful - if they don't tap into a culture and people who know a lot more than they think they do.

They aren't teaching an ignorant people. They are teaching people who have more mothering skills and knowledge than they do - and the sooner one realizes that and taps into it the better.

I am a Survivor

The Fortress (and cow)

Saturday, 8 April 2023 (55)

The first part of the day was spent at PC Camp as we had a language class and used their internet to write up our presentation as an activity. We've covered most of everything we were supposed to, although I never received the lesson on French numbers and the like.

Back to our hosts families for lunch and I did some laundry. The'll have to sit out all night to get dry. There was no sun today. Very tired. Went over my word sheets and learned a new phrase or two today. 

One of the volunteers, Shay, turned 30 and the group had a picnic party. I turned up an hour or more into it. Don't want to be completely uninvolved. There is a plan for us to sing and/or dance at the swearing in and I at first thought just to sit it out, but I was having a rebellious day and was upset with their plans. That would be wrong on my part. I just wish they would consider the few of us who would rather not sing and/or dance at all. It's very much like I remember high school or scout camp. They can often act more juvenile than adult-like around here.

Very tired. More time tomorrow and the next day for more language study.

Easter Sunday, 9 April 2023 (56)

It is Easter in the states but in Madagascar the holiday is celebrated on the actual day Easter falls on, which will be tomorrow, rather than the closest Sunday. 

My day started as many days. I awoke at about 6am. This is usually the case no matter what I time I retire. It could be 10pm or 1am. I usually never go to sleep until after 11pm. I had previously determined that today would be a big language study day.

So far I have spent the first five hours in chores and writing. I swept the floor of my room. Many here say we should sweep the floors twice a day. Perhaps that is the norm here. I have yet to understand why. Yes, we do open the windows after the mosquito hours in the morning and I'm sure much dust comes in via the windows, and that which we track in with our shoes. I haven't swept in probably 10 days and have collected only an ounce of dirt and dust.

Then I collected a little more water for my shower barrel and needed to get a couple more buckets of water for doing more wash. Yesterday, I washed my whites and sox's. Today, I'll wash everything else so I am back to square one with all clean (relatively) clothes. I doubt I am the best at this handwashing thing but the water shows plenty of darkening and discoloration so I know something is coming off of these clothes. It can be a lengthy process taking about an hour, perhaps more if one is doing wash for the whole family.  We generally are wearing our clothes a little longer than back home. Even the Peace Corps recommendation is to try and stretch clothes wearing to about four days while changing underwear daily. I like to rotate my outfits rather than the same one for multiple days. Experimenting with a system to be more organized. 

Washing entails putting powdered soap in a large basin everyone has here, if not several basins. I think I accidently bought some liquid dish soap but am still happy with it. Then you work up a lather and soap up individual pieces of clothing, using a bar of soap and even a scrub brush as needed. For me, it's most important to address the space between the legs as well as arm pit areas and back. Once scrubbed, the clothes can be wrung out. Next, empty and refill the basin with clean water and do a final rinse and wringing.

Drying is just as complicated. Letting it stay out long enough in the sun, or just the daylight, and wind is important. Picking the day to do laundry is crucial. More than once, I hung out my clothes only to have them rained on. (a daily occurrence during the winter now that we are approaching the middle of it.) There are only the two seasons here - wet winter and hot, dry summer - or so I've heard but yet to experience firsthand.

In the case of my whites, they were still wet as it got dark yesterday so I left them out all night. Papa Robertini let me know my clothes were still out there and I affirmed I knew it. The clothes were still wet this morning, perhaps due to the misty rain we had. So now the rest of my shirts and pants will join the process. According to the weather report, I have until about 2pm before more rain is expected.

I had the chance to listen to some of April's general conference. The other day, I shared with my host family, (the Robertini's), the church's "13 Articles of Faith" in Malagasy. Yesterday, he asked me if I could get him a printed copy of them. I'll try and get that as well as the "Proclamation of the Family" and the "Testimony of Christ" to him soon. Perhaps I can get a Book of Mormon in Malagasy or refer the missionaries to speak with him. It may take me getting back to a ward, which I don't think will happen until I get to Sahanivotry. 

It's been about 9 weeks now I haven't attended a sacrament meeting - the longest time since I joined the church. There is a branch somewhere about 20-30 kilometers from Mantasoa but I haven't heard back from that English speaking member of the branch presidency - nor do I want to inconvenience someone who might not be able to afford the gas to make the very difficult drive over these very bad roads - round trip.

Do I feel at a loss having missed so many sacraments and meetings? Not necessarily so. I feel of the spirit daily, say prayers, read scriptures and talk to God all the time. The physical attendance part, although that would be nice - I still find a way to practice my religion daily. In fact that is predominately the important part for me. I don't need the talks, the lessons, but prefer practicing the principles which is what I can do here 24/7. Church does allow us opportunities to interact with our brothers and sisters and be Christlike - through callings, ministering and Sunday connections. But being here among the people (my trainers, fellow volunteers, host family members and members of the community), loving them, serving them, learning the language and about them is also allowing me to do that Christlike practice in ways that church alone can never do.

Once I get to my site, it will be a priority to attend every Sunday and likely help through a calling but church isn't the important part of being Christlike or keeping the spirit - doing it daily is - I never lose sight of that. In fact, I'm starting to wonder if the changes this experience makes to me will or are different than I had expected. Does the experience change you or just give you more of an opportunity to do and be what you already are. Likely a little of both. Perhaps it depends on how much one needs to change and in what ways. 

Some of the other volunteers have been attending church with their host families either to try and be a part of the family or the community. Perhaps, I don't view it the same. I belong to a very specific church. Attending other churches, although a good gesture is not something I would do just to fit in. I think it is great to see and experience their culture but as to practicing religion, I plan on attending my church maybe for obvious reasons. Most of the church services here are very long - as much as three hours. Much of that is singing. And they are generally packed. If I was to attend, I doubt I'd be very present. I'd probably be doing a lot of language study to bide the time.

I believe there is a strong connection between the Madagascar people's difficult lifestyles and their relationship with God. I think longstanding traditions and practices are in play. Not sure I am a fan of the philosophy behind it - especially if the church insists their attendance and  contributions make life better or if they are necessary to have the blessings of God. All religions do this in some ways, but many are taking advantage of a humble people rather than returning truth, correct principles, or assistance and welfare as necessary.

But many do attend church here, wear their best clothing and appear to be faithful. I see the Madagascar people as a good people. I think their religious upbringing and continued faith has helped them to be kind, friendly and righteous. There are prayers at every meal, and their honesty I have experienced firsthand. There is a general humility here well beyond anything I have experienced anywhere else in the world.

And of course I have a deep belief there is a connection between my success here (specifically learning the language right now) and my religious obedience. If I want to get this language down, I know I have to put in the time - study the language many hours, and in many different ways. I need to trust the process, the instructors, and in some ways - the Peace Corps way of learning it.  Any gift of tongues I could ever be blessed with comes with a price tag - my hard work and efforts both with the language and with the spirit. Nothing comes easy, but I am hoping it comes easier with faith in knowing I am doing all I can practically, logically and spiritually. My confidence is building but needs more practice, more work, and a belief that I will get it.

Easter Monday, 10 April 2023 (57)

I am a survivor. 

Let me explain. 

From the beginning I always knew it was just a matter of time. There's a saying "don't cry over spilt milk". I don't know how you interpret that, but this is how I see it. Eventually, the milk will spill - so when it does, don't cry about it - you knew it was inevitable. This is especially true if you have children.

So this morning when I was sitting on the "Po", the bucket one goes to the bathroom in, that stays in your room at night so you don't have to go out into the black night 100 yards to the squatty-potty. My legs were tired from sitting on it just a little too long and I lost my balance. In the process, the bucket tipped over and emptied its contents across ten square feet of floor and I fell in it. A disaster. But one I eventually knew was coming. It just occurred a lot sooner than I had anticipated.

Fortunately, I had purchased some wash rags to use for cleaning. They came in handy here, although I had to use my hands and anything available to scoop it all up and back into the bucket. Another reason they don't have carpet here. I should have cried but once the clean-up was done, I could only laugh. And now I have this story to tell.

It also teaches me a thing or two. It tells me I was right in expecting it. It tells me I wasn't quite prepared. (Next time I hope I have my Hazmat kit ready to put into use.) It tells me I can do this. I can survive any mess that comes my way - expected or not. It tells me I am resilient. But I knew that. It also tells me what others have to endure to live here. I'm starting to feel like one of them already.

I explained this to one of the LCFs and she matter-of-factly said this is common and nothing to be ashamed, or embarrassed, or concerned about.  No one escapes it. No one can ever be that fortunate, and she added a story about how she once accidently tripped over the bucket at night. It happens. This is life in Madagascar.

We had a hour of language and cultural training on Madagascar holidays. Today being one of them. We shared our different countries holidays. I even brought up July 24th - Pioneer Day. The states has a much larger share of holidays.

Then we were off to town where thousands come around from everywhere for selling, buying, eating, drinking, partying and spending some time on or around the lake. Last night music was loud and blaring down by the lake until at least 10.  It’s a day off and many are here. I hiked down to Camp where the larger share of vendors were and even found some Pomme Frites. Came back alone and On my own early and passed many of the others who spent a little time at the bar in Mantasoa before heading this way.

As I sat on the side of the road, eating my frites, everyone watches me. I cannot go anywhere without being the center of much attention. We Peace Corps volunteers and especially us Caucasian ones stand out so much, I don't think I'll ever get completely used to it. We're watched 24/7. It puts a little pause in our actions occasionally knowing someone may take notice. It's also complicated trying to get rid of one's trash.

But I watch them also. There was an elder gentleman walking down the busy road with a cane. I policeman redirected him towards the middle of the street. There was an exchange in conversation and the police officer reached into his wallet and gave the man some money.

I immediately thought I should share with the police officer one of my memorized phrases but just then loud words were exchanged between him and another man who seemed to be in some kind of disfavor with the police. This went on for a couple minutes but I was determined and still felt the police officer was deserving of my compliment, especially as I had no idea what the disagreement was with the other man. Eventually, I got his attention and it came out so only he could hear it "Fantatrue fa olona tsare, ianao." (I know that you are a good man) He smiled and we parted. I started memorized other kind phrases and delivered the same to three more before reaching home. I may not be able to communicate all things, but I can thank and I can uplift. I doubt that counts for much with the LPI language test.

It's storming like saka and alika (no plurals - remember). So much for all those hoping for another party night. They will survive the day as I did.

I am here to do small things

The CSB II in Moramanga

Friday, 7 April 2023 (54)

Classes seem longer now. I think the staff (and these are the Malagasy people teaching us) are letting us (the volunteers) ask too many questions. So many questions have already been answered in prior sessions or are of the "what if" variety or are questions no one could possibly have the answers for. Or the questions are just irrelevant to our needing to know. The bottom line is that the culture here seems to favor aggressive American style more than the Malagasy laid back, don't interrupt, or hold us from digressing and taking over the control of the class. And I told that to the instructors afterwards and they agreed.

I also don't like that we get separated into groups then get asked to use the interviews and findings we gathered from our site to explain health issues and difference across the regions. Being in groups is fine, but I don't think the maybe eight to ten people we spoke with and three examples of people's use of mosquito nets or WC's constitutes the reality of the situation at our assignments. Many volunteers present their finding like it truly is representative and they speak like they know the full picture and root causes of the problems when all we've done is sampled a small scattering of people at our sites or on the streets.

So many of our presentations use these dismal and limited data sets, facts and figures in ways that seem to define attitudes and health conditions when we actually know so little. This has also been brought to my attention when I hear a few say they are already thinking or planning on their secondary project ideas. How is that even possible? Our roles are to learn what is needed in these communities, work with the locals in doing projects they are in need of. Instead, volunteers are already coming up with ideas based upon seeing a few examples that were done elsewhere, and deciding for themselves what they want to do or deciding right now what they think their sites are in need of. Excuse me, but you've spent less than a week at the sight with limited language and contact. How in the world could you possibly know what is wanted or needed?

I'm not sure the staff has noticed this. It probably isn't voiced around amongst them. But I think it awfully brazen to already be thinking your community needs or wants something they haven't even been included in on yet. So many of the volunteers think they have a grasp on the realities of their sites. I haven't a clue. Certainly, I think I see a few issues, I've talked with a few individuals, gathered some preliminary info but I won't go so far as to think I know the first thing about what my future communities issues and challenges are.

And now that we have been given instructions for our 10 minute presentations (in Malagasy) in about 10 days from now, many have broken into groups of two to five. As I expected, no one was going to ask me to be a part of their group (like not being asked to the prom) so I asked Josh if I could be a part of his group. "Only if you are fine with Malaria" was his response. I am and suggested he take the lead in the group. But once we went out to the streets to gather more stats on issues, I thought I might like to do my own presentation. 

I didn't appreciate the staff directing what we had to gather information on today, so I did it my own way and doubt it matters. I have come up with an interesting topic - it's a little different and out of the box. Rather than do a presentation and show people handwashing, or talk about malaria symptoms, prevention and treatment - I've chosen a different way to go. This is based on my idea that the people we will be teaching are not stupid and that they have heard these topics on many occasions and over many years. Maybe the kids need basics but I don't think many of the adults do - certainly not the ones in the highlands where I am going.

And based on the responses I and others get from street interviews - it isn't that the people don't know what they should do - it's that they are not motivated to do these preventative measures for better health. There appears to be various mindsets and excuses for not using mosquito nets - for example. Rather than teaching the "how" which I believe adults know - I'd like a stab at teaching the "why".

Here's my initial script - some of it has already been translated into Malagasy but left out of this version.

Hello, gentlemen and ladies.
My name is Rick. I am happy to meet you all.
I am here to do a small thing.

I will be a volunteer at the CSB II in Sahanivotry.
I desire better health for all.
I look forward to helping however I can.

I’d like to talk about Malaria.
 _#_people in Madagascar die of Malaria each year.
You all know Malaria is gotten by mosquitoes.
You all know the symptoms (fever, diarrhea…)
More numbers, surveys and statistics can be gotten from other sources including medical providers.

Although I have spoken with many people and asked many questions –
I have not been here long enough to know the real reasons why Malaria is such a problem, 
nor do I know the best solution.

But I do know this:
Malaria is a complicated problem. But let’s first start with the use of mosquito nets.

Ask yourself this question:
Why do you use or do not use a mosquito net?
Why?
Do you have that reason in your mind?

Instead of teaching you “how” to avoid malaria, perhaps we should instead motivate you to do what you already know. This is a perhaps a better solution to the problem. 
Maybe we should teach you “why” you should do what you already know.
Perhaps you could consider doing what you are not currently doing for this reason - to be an example.

Let me explain.
In America we hear that there are people around the world who could use some help. 
People who have health issues. Most Americans know this but do nothing. 

I have come here to do something. To volunteer. It is a small thing. My efforts may not save any lives.
My efforts may not change the world or be of any great consequence. But many view my desire to serve, my desire to help as an example. Maybe they will in turn be more helpful. 

Maybe they will do more small things to help others.

When you use a net, you become an example. Maybe it will do nothing. Maybe it will save your life.
Maybe your child, or your family will also start using a mosquito net.
This is a small thing. This is a good thing. It may be inconvenient. You may think you are not at risk. 

All those who became sick or ill from Malaria. __#__ All those who died of Malaria.__#__ 
Would they like to go back in time and change their behavior and do that small thing? 
Would they like to have their health or their child or their spouse back again? Probably. 

Maybe this is a good reason “why”. You already know “How”. 
Maybe it is time to decide “why” you should do it.

I plead with you. 
Do what you know is a good thing. It is a small thing. The world needs more examples. 
The world needs you and I to do more small things. You may not change the world. 
But you will change “your” world. And you may save a life.

My name is Rick.
I am here to do small things.

Why are you here?

Moramanga

G58 at the Hospital in Moramanga

Monday, 3 April 2023 (50)

Was a good day. Tojo fixed my laptop by completing an update I could not do at PC Camp. Also my phone service finally kicked in.

Tuesday, 4 April 2023 (51)

Left this morning for a 3 hour trip to Moramanga to visit with the district office over CSB's as well as get to see a regional hospital. I haven't been eating any breakfast with my host family the Robertini's and today was a good reason not to. It isn't the bad roads that is the problem but the good roads that our drivers go too fast on and the turns are anything but good for empty or full stomachs. And unfortunately, I had no window seat. Very unpleasant.

The hospital was nothing to write home about. 70 beds and limited services. Probably a trauma 1 if that. Best to just go to Tana for anything serious. Not that they are to be blamed or any fault of theirs. It's just that in comparison to what we in the west think of hospitals, this wouldn't pass any accredidations or standards of quality, clenliness, safety or much else. But this is the best one has here and happy to have it.

This evening the majority of the group went for a night time tour of the National Park here in Andasibe where we are staying in nice two bed cottages. Lots of tourists around. I spoke with a man from Spain and spoke some Dutch to a couple of German tourists.

Had a decent dinner with a few of the guys where we had some fried fish and frites. The four of us ate for about 61,000ar including a couple bottles of soda. That's roughly $13.

Peace Corps thought we needed this little trip to give us a break. I'd rather we just get training over with and get us to our assigned cities.

 

Wednesday, 5, April 2023 (52)

There was some complaints that came from other guests and security after midnight last night. Several of the volunteers, half a dozen of the girls in particular had been drinking and were loud and disorderly. The Germans I spoke with complained. Even security came and knocked on our native chaperone's door after midnight. I'm convinced they need to have a higher standard in their selection process for the Peace Corps.

Spent some time at the Moramanga CSB II that used to have volunteers but no more. There were a few examples of how they made a difference and that difference is still in play there. Paintings on the walls that remind patients of baby care, food groups and handwashing. They also build a water system and other things which gave us an idea of what we can do at our sites.

I know a few things I'd like to do at my site already like helping them get a fresh coat of paint and clean-up and improve the general appearance.

Back at Peace Corps Camp for the evening but first a couple of afternoon classes.

Although I hate to be negative here on the Peace Corps, these two classes couldn't have been worse. One was on nutrition and eating balanced meals. I'm 63 years old and the class was taught as if I never heard of nutrition at all. I know the government needs us to have this training module - but really. Teach us where we are at maybe. And the reality disconnect from the ideal balanced diet and meals for me - are a joke. Like I'm going to magically start to eat healthy foods or vegetables. They have taught me nothing more or new that would convince me to eat foods I find totally unappetizing.

Then we had another hour class on the reporting system we'll be using while in the Peace Corps. We just spent an afternoon the other day going over this. Now they want to have a class and go over it again. And I'd prefer not to comment on the quality of the training or the trainer. It doesn't help that we are all tired from the trip home and many others likely didn't get much sleep or were hung over.

Short Presentations to Memorize

My host family - The Robertini's

Thursday, 30 March 2023 (46)

Another bad day, language and otherwise. Still not finding or making time to memorize conversation. My laptop has a fried audio card and I can’t get anything out of it even by using a Bluetooth speaker. 

Language class, was another class on words, sentence structures and topics I don’t think I’ll be using anytime soon. But it's good to cover it, see the new things as it both opens my eyes as to why I am seeing some words as well as keeping me humble as I navigate the best way forward. I can trust my own methods or I can believe the Peace Corps knows a thing or two.

It is often confusing when I am asked to come up with examples and/or sentences to show I understand the lesson material. It’s hard to come up with sentences when I know all of 10-20 verbs. It seems most of my example sentences seem all the same.

After class I went to the Telma phone store to get the third phone service I’ve had now. The woman at the counter couldn’t get my phone working. And more frustrating was that she had no pin to open the sim card housing, yet this is a service they provide all the time. I excused myself and walked to the Airtel service store. They also had no pin. Eventually, they called a friend who brought over a safety pin. I’m carrying one of those around with me from now on.

In the end, they subscribed me to the service but could not give me any services. Instead she asked that I come back tomorrow. So back home without a working phone.

And at dinner, I had an awkward time expressing that I was just tired of six weeks eating whatever other people decided on. It’s not that I don’t like their food. It's in fact heavily in the meat, potatoes and pasta group – it’s just that the servings are often more than I want. For dinner tonight, they served me a full plate of pasta pizza while they were eating half as much.

It wasn’t bad food, but too much, and certainly not something I might make myself. It was very difficult to put into words how being older and for weeks being under others cooking and living restrictions and timetables is not very enjoyable anymore. It can get tiring and I am.

Had the doctor from the local CSB come and speak to us regarding children and pregnant women’s vaccines. A little complicated as one of the staff members had to interpret. And although I have many questions myself, sometimes the crowd has a tendency to ask “what if” questions that take up lots of extra time and perhaps should be asked after class on an individual basis.

Friday, 31 March 2023 (47)

My main computer is fried (or at least the sound card is) and I have Tojo looking at it. My phone is dead in the water as the Telma people are telling me there could be a 30 day wait for service (although other volunteers have gotten immediate service). Thus I can't communicate, upload or write in the journal or blog. Instead I am keeping some WordPad notes I'll eventually move over.

I've asked my family not to make or expect me to eat breakfast anymore. It's a way I can eat less, study more and perhaps appreciate the food. As I said earlier, I'm tired of eating foods cooked by my hosts. I have had many years of fending for myself and seven weeks eating others cooking and Malagasy food at that, and on their time frame - is wearing on me.

Language class went well, I prepared an intro speech and gave it to a couple people. 

Hello, gentlemen and ladies.
My name is Rick. I am happy to meet you all.
I am a volunteer at the CSB II in Sahanivotry.
I desire better health for all.
I look forward to helping however I can.
Please help me to learn and love the people.
Thank you for your trust and assistance.

Salama tompokolahy sy tompokovavy. 
Rick no anarako. Falymafahantatra, ianareo. 
Volunterra any amin’y CSB II Sahanivotry, aho.
Maniry fahasalamana tsara kokoa ho an’ny rehetra, aho.
Tsy andriko ny hanampy araka izay azoko atao.
Mba ampio aho hianatra sy ho tia ny olona.
Misaotra anao noho ny fahatokis anao sy ny fanamp ianao.

I tried it on a pre-law student and he was very receptive and even wanted to talk more. It supposedly went well. Rindra, my tutor thinks I am doing well. She says people understand me. I'm always having fun and saying a few things to throw people for a loop. I think I just need more confidence, rely less in my notes and just get it in my head. It's coming.

Another hour at Telma and still no telephone service. Asked to come back again tomorrow.

Here's the presentation speech I gave to Rindra to translate. It's looking a bit difficult and so I may just steal a few lines rather than memorize the entire piece. I don't know yet.

Tonga eto aho mba hanampy.

Ny hany faniriako dia ny ahazo, ny hankasitraka ary ny hitia ny olona manodidina ahy eto.

Ny fotoanako, ny talentako, ny foko dia atolotro ho an`ireo izay mila izany. 

Ary miala tsiny aho fa fohy ihany ny fotoana ahafahako manompo eto.

Tsy misy fiaikana na sorona lehibe loatra ka tsy hiaretako mba ho eto akehitriny.

Rehefa avy ny andro hialako eto amin`ity toerana, izay hiriko antsoina hoe fonenako ity, indray andro any, dia mino aho fa tsy ho ampy mihitsy raha ny zava-bitako, tsy ho ampy mihitsy raha ny zavatra nianarako, tsy ho ampy mihitsy ny fanompoako, ny fahazoako sy ny fitiavako ny mpiara-monina amiko eto. 

Misaotra noho ny fanampianareo.

Misaotra noho ny hatsaram-panahinareo.

Misaotra noho ny fandraisanareo.

Misaotra nitia anay sy nanome anay fahafahana hitia anareo Malagasy ihany koa.

Mino aho fa misy Andriamanitra. 

Mivavaka aho mba hitahiany anareo sy ny mponina rehetra eto ary ny ezaka kely mba vitanay.

Tonga eto aho mba hanampy!

Saturday, 1 April 2023 (48)

A short day with just language class. Then Rindra, Sampson and I went to the Telma store. Spent another hour there with little to no progress and we had a native speaker with us. They took my photo and passport photo for the forth time. They say just wait for the text message from the system that opens up the service. It isn't happening. Frustrating but par for the course. Patience with a system that doesn't always work well and the blame has been passed to those above. Supposedly they don't think the photo looks like me or some such goofiness. 

Got another haircut, one that Samson insisted would work for me. The red hair is steadily lightening - now a shade of pink.

Tojo didn't return my laptop and I worry I won't be doing any editing until Natalie brings me a replacement as late as June or July. Course, if I could communicate with a phone it would be nice but we'll hope tomorrow I'll be able to run in to Peace Corps camp and use their Internet to both call home and get this smaller Chromebook online. Then I could post online as well as get back to Microsoft office which I am locked out of with no internet connection.

Perhaps it's time to get another phone as a backup. This is a place where one needs two of everything if one wants to have a working version.

This evening we had dinner with one of my host family's daughters and her husband. After exhausting my half dozen phrases I was at a complete loss at conversation. It was embarrassing to have them think I can speak so little. I have heard some of the other volunteers speak and they seem to hold their own rather well. I know I should not make comparisons but it seems difficult not to.

I understand that I am likely humbled for good reasons. I hope to continue to use this humbling to motivate me in these last few weeks to learn and to apply that feeling to learn and to do what needs doing here. 

Sunday, 2 April 2023 (49)

I have been trying to think what I need to prioritize with the language. I need to learn it all basically but a few key things could help. My goal was to only speak Malagasy starting tomorrow. I figured if I was up against the wall with language as I will be in Sahanivotry then I would figure out what the most important things, the most important verbs and words. I can imagine it or I can actually experience it.

I am currently working on a starting statement to express my situation. 

Something along these lines:

I am only speaking Malagasy this week.

Malagasy ihany no miteny amin'ity herinandro ity.

I can not speak Malagasy well.

Tsy afaka miteny malagasy tsara, aho.

I can say this.

Afaka milaza izany, aho.

I am here to learn.

Eto aho hianatra.

...about you.

...momba anao,

...the language.

...momba ny fiteny.

...my job.

...momba ny asako.

I am here to serve.

Eto aho hanompo.

I am here to help.

Eto aho hanampy.

I am here to love.

Eto aho mba ho tia.

...the people and this land.

ny vahoaka ary ity tany ity.

Please teach me.

Mba ampianaro, aho.

How can I help?

Tonga eto aho mba hanampy?