I am a Survivor

The Fortress (and cow)

Saturday, 8 April 2023 (55)

The first part of the day was spent at PC Camp as we had a language class and used their internet to write up our presentation as an activity. We've covered most of everything we were supposed to, although I never received the lesson on French numbers and the like.

Back to our hosts families for lunch and I did some laundry. The'll have to sit out all night to get dry. There was no sun today. Very tired. Went over my word sheets and learned a new phrase or two today. 

One of the volunteers, Shay, turned 30 and the group had a picnic party. I turned up an hour or more into it. Don't want to be completely uninvolved. There is a plan for us to sing and/or dance at the swearing in and I at first thought just to sit it out, but I was having a rebellious day and was upset with their plans. That would be wrong on my part. I just wish they would consider the few of us who would rather not sing and/or dance at all. It's very much like I remember high school or scout camp. They can often act more juvenile than adult-like around here.

Very tired. More time tomorrow and the next day for more language study.

Easter Sunday, 9 April 2023 (56)

It is Easter in the states but in Madagascar the holiday is celebrated on the actual day Easter falls on, which will be tomorrow, rather than the closest Sunday. 

My day started as many days. I awoke at about 6am. This is usually the case no matter what I time I retire. It could be 10pm or 1am. I usually never go to sleep until after 11pm. I had previously determined that today would be a big language study day.

So far I have spent the first five hours in chores and writing. I swept the floor of my room. Many here say we should sweep the floors twice a day. Perhaps that is the norm here. I have yet to understand why. Yes, we do open the windows after the mosquito hours in the morning and I'm sure much dust comes in via the windows, and that which we track in with our shoes. I haven't swept in probably 10 days and have collected only an ounce of dirt and dust.

Then I collected a little more water for my shower barrel and needed to get a couple more buckets of water for doing more wash. Yesterday, I washed my whites and sox's. Today, I'll wash everything else so I am back to square one with all clean (relatively) clothes. I doubt I am the best at this handwashing thing but the water shows plenty of darkening and discoloration so I know something is coming off of these clothes. It can be a lengthy process taking about an hour, perhaps more if one is doing wash for the whole family.  We generally are wearing our clothes a little longer than back home. Even the Peace Corps recommendation is to try and stretch clothes wearing to about four days while changing underwear daily. I like to rotate my outfits rather than the same one for multiple days. Experimenting with a system to be more organized. 

Washing entails putting powdered soap in a large basin everyone has here, if not several basins. I think I accidently bought some liquid dish soap but am still happy with it. Then you work up a lather and soap up individual pieces of clothing, using a bar of soap and even a scrub brush as needed. For me, it's most important to address the space between the legs as well as arm pit areas and back. Once scrubbed, the clothes can be wrung out. Next, empty and refill the basin with clean water and do a final rinse and wringing.

Drying is just as complicated. Letting it stay out long enough in the sun, or just the daylight, and wind is important. Picking the day to do laundry is crucial. More than once, I hung out my clothes only to have them rained on. (a daily occurrence during the winter now that we are approaching the middle of it.) There are only the two seasons here - wet winter and hot, dry summer - or so I've heard but yet to experience firsthand.

In the case of my whites, they were still wet as it got dark yesterday so I left them out all night. Papa Robertini let me know my clothes were still out there and I affirmed I knew it. The clothes were still wet this morning, perhaps due to the misty rain we had. So now the rest of my shirts and pants will join the process. According to the weather report, I have until about 2pm before more rain is expected.

I had the chance to listen to some of April's general conference. The other day, I shared with my host family, (the Robertini's), the church's "13 Articles of Faith" in Malagasy. Yesterday, he asked me if I could get him a printed copy of them. I'll try and get that as well as the "Proclamation of the Family" and the "Testimony of Christ" to him soon. Perhaps I can get a Book of Mormon in Malagasy or refer the missionaries to speak with him. It may take me getting back to a ward, which I don't think will happen until I get to Sahanivotry. 

It's been about 9 weeks now I haven't attended a sacrament meeting - the longest time since I joined the church. There is a branch somewhere about 20-30 kilometers from Mantasoa but I haven't heard back from that English speaking member of the branch presidency - nor do I want to inconvenience someone who might not be able to afford the gas to make the very difficult drive over these very bad roads - round trip.

Do I feel at a loss having missed so many sacraments and meetings? Not necessarily so. I feel of the spirit daily, say prayers, read scriptures and talk to God all the time. The physical attendance part, although that would be nice - I still find a way to practice my religion daily. In fact that is predominately the important part for me. I don't need the talks, the lessons, but prefer practicing the principles which is what I can do here 24/7. Church does allow us opportunities to interact with our brothers and sisters and be Christlike - through callings, ministering and Sunday connections. But being here among the people (my trainers, fellow volunteers, host family members and members of the community), loving them, serving them, learning the language and about them is also allowing me to do that Christlike practice in ways that church alone can never do.

Once I get to my site, it will be a priority to attend every Sunday and likely help through a calling but church isn't the important part of being Christlike or keeping the spirit - doing it daily is - I never lose sight of that. In fact, I'm starting to wonder if the changes this experience makes to me will or are different than I had expected. Does the experience change you or just give you more of an opportunity to do and be what you already are. Likely a little of both. Perhaps it depends on how much one needs to change and in what ways. 

Some of the other volunteers have been attending church with their host families either to try and be a part of the family or the community. Perhaps, I don't view it the same. I belong to a very specific church. Attending other churches, although a good gesture is not something I would do just to fit in. I think it is great to see and experience their culture but as to practicing religion, I plan on attending my church maybe for obvious reasons. Most of the church services here are very long - as much as three hours. Much of that is singing. And they are generally packed. If I was to attend, I doubt I'd be very present. I'd probably be doing a lot of language study to bide the time.

I believe there is a strong connection between the Madagascar people's difficult lifestyles and their relationship with God. I think longstanding traditions and practices are in play. Not sure I am a fan of the philosophy behind it - especially if the church insists their attendance and  contributions make life better or if they are necessary to have the blessings of God. All religions do this in some ways, but many are taking advantage of a humble people rather than returning truth, correct principles, or assistance and welfare as necessary.

But many do attend church here, wear their best clothing and appear to be faithful. I see the Madagascar people as a good people. I think their religious upbringing and continued faith has helped them to be kind, friendly and righteous. There are prayers at every meal, and their honesty I have experienced firsthand. There is a general humility here well beyond anything I have experienced anywhere else in the world.

And of course I have a deep belief there is a connection between my success here (specifically learning the language right now) and my religious obedience. If I want to get this language down, I know I have to put in the time - study the language many hours, and in many different ways. I need to trust the process, the instructors, and in some ways - the Peace Corps way of learning it.  Any gift of tongues I could ever be blessed with comes with a price tag - my hard work and efforts both with the language and with the spirit. Nothing comes easy, but I am hoping it comes easier with faith in knowing I am doing all I can practically, logically and spiritually. My confidence is building but needs more practice, more work, and a belief that I will get it.

Easter Monday, 10 April 2023 (57)

I am a survivor. 

Let me explain. 

From the beginning I always knew it was just a matter of time. There's a saying "don't cry over spilt milk". I don't know how you interpret that, but this is how I see it. Eventually, the milk will spill - so when it does, don't cry about it - you knew it was inevitable. This is especially true if you have children.

So this morning when I was sitting on the "Po", the bucket one goes to the bathroom in, that stays in your room at night so you don't have to go out into the black night 100 yards to the squatty-potty. My legs were tired from sitting on it just a little too long and I lost my balance. In the process, the bucket tipped over and emptied its contents across ten square feet of floor and I fell in it. A disaster. But one I eventually knew was coming. It just occurred a lot sooner than I had anticipated.

Fortunately, I had purchased some wash rags to use for cleaning. They came in handy here, although I had to use my hands and anything available to scoop it all up and back into the bucket. Another reason they don't have carpet here. I should have cried but once the clean-up was done, I could only laugh. And now I have this story to tell.

It also teaches me a thing or two. It tells me I was right in expecting it. It tells me I wasn't quite prepared. (Next time I hope I have my Hazmat kit ready to put into use.) It tells me I can do this. I can survive any mess that comes my way - expected or not. It tells me I am resilient. But I knew that. It also tells me what others have to endure to live here. I'm starting to feel like one of them already.

I explained this to one of the LCFs and she matter-of-factly said this is common and nothing to be ashamed, or embarrassed, or concerned about.  No one escapes it. No one can ever be that fortunate, and she added a story about how she once accidently tripped over the bucket at night. It happens. This is life in Madagascar.

We had a hour of language and cultural training on Madagascar holidays. Today being one of them. We shared our different countries holidays. I even brought up July 24th - Pioneer Day. The states has a much larger share of holidays.

Then we were off to town where thousands come around from everywhere for selling, buying, eating, drinking, partying and spending some time on or around the lake. Last night music was loud and blaring down by the lake until at least 10.  It’s a day off and many are here. I hiked down to Camp where the larger share of vendors were and even found some Pomme Frites. Came back alone and On my own early and passed many of the others who spent a little time at the bar in Mantasoa before heading this way.

As I sat on the side of the road, eating my frites, everyone watches me. I cannot go anywhere without being the center of much attention. We Peace Corps volunteers and especially us Caucasian ones stand out so much, I don't think I'll ever get completely used to it. We're watched 24/7. It puts a little pause in our actions occasionally knowing someone may take notice. It's also complicated trying to get rid of one's trash.

But I watch them also. There was an elder gentleman walking down the busy road with a cane. I policeman redirected him towards the middle of the street. There was an exchange in conversation and the police officer reached into his wallet and gave the man some money.

I immediately thought I should share with the police officer one of my memorized phrases but just then loud words were exchanged between him and another man who seemed to be in some kind of disfavor with the police. This went on for a couple minutes but I was determined and still felt the police officer was deserving of my compliment, especially as I had no idea what the disagreement was with the other man. Eventually, I got his attention and it came out so only he could hear it "Fantatrue fa olona tsare, ianao." (I know that you are a good man) He smiled and we parted. I started memorized other kind phrases and delivered the same to three more before reaching home. I may not be able to communicate all things, but I can thank and I can uplift. I doubt that counts for much with the LPI language test.

It's storming like saka and alika (no plurals - remember). So much for all those hoping for another party night. They will survive the day as I did.