Social Suicide

Outdoor Classes when possible

Tuesday, 7 March 2023 (23)

This morning after breakfast and before classes, I learned how the water gets from a well to the 60 gallon barrel called my shower. Half a dozen bucket runs later the barrel was getting back to where it started. I filmed the process and hope to edit it tonight. We'll see.

Had a class on gender. As I may have mentioned earlier - there is only one word for he/she/it - "izy". Still a dangerous topic to go off and say anything unchecked.

While Samson has Covid, three others are sick with something. One asked if he could lie down in the classroom next to my room over lunch. Two other girls weren't at the afternoon classes. Probably didn't miss much as they covered fire safety basics. I hated doing it but at some point I blurted out I was a firefighter for seven years and added that they don't want to put water on grease fires. That ended up being the next power point slide, so maybe they think I know a thing or two. Really, it's just this one thing.

A walk to the store again, spent a whopping $6 on a bucket, chocolate (or course) 8 notebooks (very small) some bread for Totos and now the neighbor dog. She can tell when I've got food, I'm sure of it. Maybe an hour of language study. Going through the dictionary and got most of the easy, necessary or low hanging fruit words. Making my own dictionaries of words I want or need to know. Also thinking about making an audio tape of the verbs to be played back instead of music on the MP3 player.

International Women's Day, Wednesday, 8 March 2023 (24)

The day is celebrated here with many women not having to work, so we've been told.

I really wonder if a couple of the women are going to survive or thrive here. One volunteer had one of the young men from her host family carry her backpack from her house to the Post Office for the van pickup. It's about a 15 minute walk. One only needed to pack for an overnight.

The Peace Corps is more serious about masks now that we have two volunteers with Covid and want them on in the vehicles and sent a message with a re-emphasis in wearing them in close contact and in classes. But a couple of the girls on the way in to Camp either didn't read the messages or don't seem to care. The rules do find their way into getting stretched when some do not seem to care or obey. My goal is not to be the one to get sick or injured, though that likelihood is slim over time.

Had more classes in sexual harassment and sexual assault. I had asked to possibly be excused as I'm not likely to be able to add to what is basically a woman issue. Out nurse suggested it was Peace Corps standard and would be beneficial, if it wasn't likely to be triggering to me. Triggering in a different sort of way is the reality.

One of the volunteers went off the rails with lots of emotion followed by others and Brett (the country director) said he was expecting this question and conversation to occur. He may not have used the best words when he brought up "paralyzing fear" of something similar. One of the women took offence and Brett had to change words use.

He did the best he could to address the issues but the majority of the group said a few things they eventually would backtrack on. They said they cannot trust Brett, the Peace Corps or anyone here because they are not doing enough to bring the numbers down to zero. Mitigation techniques, ways to protect ourselves and security measures and plans in place are not enough for many. It got fairly ugly and Brett brought up all individual staff had and were doing and then the group backslid but Brett was still at the forefront of being untrustworthy.

We were passing a mic around and it ended up in my hands and I wanted to say my piece, but was nearly shouted down saying so and so had her hand up first and longer, and it was awkward because I felt this was typical bullying I was getting from the group with my voice being minimized. I'm not sure I would ever get the mic back. I said a few things and was getting looks from one of the guys, like I was an embarrassment or that I was embarrassing myself. In essence I said I stand with the Peace Corp and felt they were doing everything they could. It was an act of social suicide. Someone later said here's yet another white 60 something year old guy standing next to another old white guy (Brett) and that was not good optics.

Break soon occurred and one person I had edited her video the night before, gave me back the USB stick and said she neither wanted it nor gave me any permission to use her in any video. Others gave me the cold shoulder if I sensed correct. It was time for me to do some damage control and I tried to apologize to many if I had offended them. Give it time someone suggested. Almost all the guys felt as I did that it was indeed an act of social suicide. But nobody would stand up saying the policies in place were generally good, if not some of the most and only things that could be done right now to minimize the hazards. I doubt nothing could have persuaded some of these folk, including some guys. It was like saying we needed to get rid of all guns and then there would be no more murders or death by guns or weapons. There is never enough. Agency will both help and hinder the world from being risk free.

I honestly don't feel some had done their homework with Madagascar and the Peace Corps and the associated risks. They don't seem to know what they were signing up for. I had a couple occasions to talk further with Brett and he indicated that this is happing all over the world in the Peace Corps. Young people are well on the path toward this need to have no risk, no worry, no possibility for sexual harassment or assault. Putting the risk and precautions in their hands with mitigating training and suggestions isn't enough. They want the Peace Corp to do much, much more but have no real answers to what would solve that issue. And until then, they feel their lives and virtue is at risk more so than they were given to understand. Maybe the Peace Corps didn't screen good enough, or those accepting service are more fearful than they led the Peace Corps to believe.

During that stand I made, one of the girls said I called them "Immature" I never used that word. Even Brett said that I used the word "mature" referring to me but her implication was that she heard me saying they were "immature". Of could that would have been bad to say out loud. Instead, I was only saying that on the inside. But they are certainly acting immature, in fact, coming back to our host families, the conversation from the girls is much more akin to that heard in high school. I really do feel that most have reverted to that mentality, priorities and age group in terms of so many areas. They worry more about their clothing choices, makeup, and all the inconveniences. It truly is a different world than I had expected. The quality of the volunteers is less than what I suspected. Only a few are here to do whatever it takes to serve. The rest seem to have their own agenda in terms of what they want to do, what they want to accomplish, and have not expressed enough openness to perhaps be willing or available to do what the people here are in need of.

For the next hour after that confrontation, I was fairly out of it and hardly hearing what the next lesson was on. Instead, I was weighing over what I would do next. I could just go silent and not participate in the classes. Or I could continue forward and continue to feel muzzled and pull back even more. Or something else. 

I think I've settled on giving it time as someone suggested and we'll wing it from here on out. I did got some support from a couple of the guys - one who was glad I stood up for myself and the Peace Corps. Even Brett was surprised but said that a few had approached him afterwards and expressed their support. He actually expect some to come and apologize but no one did. And no one was brave enough to say the quiet thing out loud but me.

It was an uncomfortable afternoon and evening. They had a dance party (yes, a dance party - High school 2023) and it was probably the first time they seriously brought out the alcohol - now that our first three "dry" weeks are behind us. I had no reason nor desire to go to the party but spoke with a few outside who were somewhat inebriated. I think I've won back a few more, but I think I know who has no interest in being my friend nor in forgiveness, empathy nor Christlike behavior. Am I being judgmental? Absolutely.

Thursday, 9 March 2023 (25)

The Mock LPI was this morning. It was the first time we would be tested on our language prowess. I had gone to bed at ten and awoke at five to study. I had a regular comedy routine written out in Malagasy and rehearsed but then I learned I couldn't use my notes and that pretty much dropped my ability to converse in the language from a six or seven to a two. I just don't have the vocabulary words ingrained in my head yet. I'm fairly sure I scored as very low novice. Will find out in the next day or two. Very discouraging, but from what others said, they probably felt similar.

Had a class on first aid. Very basic. Apply bandages, splint broken bones, wrap wrists and ankles for sprains, and how to carry someone (I was one of the victims) on a stretcher. That was it. No 911, no CPR. Hours to any mediocre hospital or clinic. Likely you'll have to be flown to South Africa if it's a more serious injury - like a fracture.

It's been a tiring couple of days. 

Our last class of the day was on transportation and logistics for our week-long site visits next week. It was probably the worst presented class we've had. The two presenters grasp of English wasn't the best and neither were their presentation skills. The charts were a mess, with print too small, not given to us but used in a power point. We'll be getting all of this information several more times as we get closer. No one is going to leave us out in the middle of nowhere in Madagascar and no one is going to not have food or accommodations. Many volunteers acted like they never had to travel by cab, make a hotel arrangement or get their own meals before. And we only get to do these things once to give us some experience while the other 20+ meals, and week-long accommodations will be taken care of by our site host families and the Peace Corps.

It rained like cats and dogs or more precisely like saka and alieka. (there's no plurals in Malagasy).