Roundtable Feedback Review

Madagascar Butterfy or "Lulu"

Sunday, 26 March 2023 (42)

Google translate - Where have you been all my life? I just learned this weekend that many, if not most of the others have been using it regularly, if not constantly. How did I miss out on it? I went from coming home and expecting to say little to nothing to my host family to suddenly speaking full sentences and them complimenting me on my pronunciation. This is weird. Unfortunately, I won't be able to use it in the final language test.

As there was extra time waiting for the one vehicle to take 23 of us back to our host families along with all of our baggage - I thought it would be helpful to ask more questions of staff. We have these wonderful staff members who speak really descent English. Only now am I realizing how much they can inform us beyond what the cultural classes have done. They know a lot of things that could help us in the field but I don't see many taking advantage of them enough. Even me - not till this site visit did I even know what questions I wanted to ask. 

Often they can only give generalities as things could vary depending on your location. But there are useful insights like how much to pay for someone to do your laundry, how to arrange it, how some things are misunderstood or not known to us at all There are literally hundreds of questions I want to ask. Sometime they don't have the answer. Many times, they might not have been to places or know things themselves.

Tuesday, 28 March 2023 (44)

Received my "Roundtable Feedback Review" this afternoon. It is a review from 11 teachers and staff members related to your behavior and attitudes associated with Accountability, Adaptability, Emotional, Social, Intercultural Engagement, Diversity, Equity & Inclusion, Collaboration, and additional categories. All my categories were "Meets - Developing" (which I am guessing is the default) except for one "Language and Intercultural Communication" which is my current language skills. No surprise there. 

They also dinged me for not using "Whereabouts" to text notify them when I went off site for our site visit. They obviously knew where I was because they drove me there. All the other volunteers I talked to said it was unnecessary for the same reason - the Peace Corps knew where we were going and when we would get there. Whatever! Maybe they just wanted us to have a strong reminder for the future.

But it was made clear to me that I was meeting all the categories except for language and even on that they knew I was working hard at it.

The pressure to get this language is strong.

Sahanivotry

 

Sahanivotry CSB II

Monday, 20 March 2023 (36)

Off to Antsirabe again. Just wanted to see more of what they have there for when I move here in six weeks. I thought I had worked it out that my host mom would take me there and show me where to get the taxi-brusse to return. Instead, she stood with me the whole three hours or more we were there. I gained an insight on the trip. She seemed to know everyone or at least many people. Either she really does or just that she and the people are so friendly that they communicate with one another as if they were already acquaintances.

Half way there we had to stop and all the passengers exited the taxi-brusse. I had no idea and saw a policeman and thought ok, maybe they are checking ID's. But then my host mom looked concerned but it was still a mystery until after I saw the front of the other Taxi-brusse in front of us. It had hit a bicyclist.  I didn't understand why our vehicle had to stop though. I got the impression they needed the vehicle to transport goods, or the driver was related to the other driver but it never was made clear to me.

It was interesting to see about 60 people standing around as three taxi-brusse's seem to have stopped and emptied. AN accident appears to be a big thing here as the auto speeds are so little with all the bad roads and pot holes. The police were taking a lot of interest and time. Measurements were taken about how wide the road was, even how close to the closet building to write in their report. Living here is not a speedy process and I didn't know why so many people were standing around when there was still a good taxi-brusse to use. More than a half an hour later we got back in our van and continued on to Antsirabe.

I must be careful what I say to my host mom. She takes everything I say literally or at least tries and see that it happens. I mentioned rather quickly that I might like to get my hair colored. Mostly it was a two half sentences, some pointing and charades that I would and the first place we go is a hairdresser and I'm getting my hair colored. I should have gone with a blonder color as the brown has a sharper red in it that I would have thought. Now I wish I had kept my distinguished gray. The whole process took 45 minutes and cost about five dollars. But from the skin getting edged in hair color, I probably could have done it on my won for the cost of the hair color.

Stopped at various stores but felt a little hampered by having this younger mom mothering me. She insisted we go here, or use the umbrella when I didn't mind the rain. I wanted her alone to use it but she was just trying to mother me. I thought she'd be a good translator but she was on the phone a lot and didn't understand me herself. 

We stopped to buy stationary supplies, a t-shirt, food items and window shop for solar batteries, furniture and clothes in general. The furniture place had prices similar or lower than one could find in the states. Yes the prices were very high for locals but reasonable for Americans - a nice table for $200, a nice sized table and four chairs for $400. a two burned stovetop for $30, upright fans for $30, five gallons of paint for $23 and this was likely to be more expensive stores and prices - if I understood my host mom correctly.

Certainly, in her eyes everything was expensive in the American type grocery store. I recognized that. But paying only American prices or even less in many instances didn't seem expensive to me at all. I don't mind a candy bar for $1, or a 1.5 liter soda for less than in the states. It was funny to see rice and meat sold there in prepackaged bags or behind a glass display case when 99.9% of rice and meat is sold at a market stall with hundreds of flies and crawling bugs competing for the foods along with you. And somethings I am learning don't seem to be sold at all - like resealable plastic bags. My language notes got all wet from the rain (but they needed to be rewritten anyway). And good luck in finding small notebooks with decent paper that doesn't bleed through to the other side - not to be found.  Perhaps in Tana I've been told. The town we can't go to because of crime rates.

We went to an electronics store and I eyed batteries for solar. Mostly they are just car batteries and a few AGM type batteries. Not too expensive. They also had solar controllers. I'm wondering f I could get my system on batteries as simply as I think. About 1,500,00ar to do so (about $350). We did find a nice light for their kitchen as it is as dark as a cave. Cost 23,000ar (about $6) which was a bargain for what it can do for their darkness in a room where the last thing I would want is not to see the sharp items or the bugs crawling towards or over my food. I also got them a cutting board.

I spent a ton of money today. Somewhere about $100. I lost 30,000ar somewhere in our exchanged this afternoon. I had given my host mom the 30,000ar for what I thought she could use to put a deposit or pay for a room reservation while I was getting my hair colored. I don't know what became of that. I paid for both our taxi-brusse fares coming and going, pizza for lunch, a large tip to the rick-shaw driver, and money on stationary things, ice-cream, light, treats, food at the grocery store, an expensive new t-shirt (40,000ar or about $9) rather than the "Frip" or secondhand clothing sold wrinkled and needing a wash in many markets. I have yet to see a color, design or size of clothing that I like in what little "Frip" I have perused. Most clothing here is for medium and slim body types. I'm on the larger scale here. Most Madagascar people are very fit, very thin and very small - many are inches below my 5'10.

And before I forget - I am completely mystified by the young man my host family seems to employ. I think he has to be a servant or hired help but how much that costs or why they employe him is a mystery. He doesn't eat with the family and has certain roles for animals and food preparation but seems to do no house cleaning - I'm not sure. But how do people in general poverty afford hired help when they don't prioritize better lighting for their kitchen. This whole one naked bulb hanging from the ceiling thing is so depressing. No lamps, no advanced sense of design or desire to improve one's living space. I think improving the general atmosphere would improve one's mental health - if just a few environment changes occurred - picking up the trash, making one's home and yard neat - I just don't get it. It's as if people make do for so long they don't know any better. Living in primitive conditions with little income does something where when little is had - little is expected or desired maybe. I don't know, or at least I am mystified at this early stage of understanding the people and their culture, norms and practices. 

On our return trip, I paid for my host mom's travel and she was sitting next to me then got off the Taxi-brusse but before - I think explained to me to get off at the house. She went somewhere else - another taxi-brusse, a friend, another town, another visit, more shopping - I don't know. Strange. She turned up an hour later after I arrived at the house.

Dinner was upsetting. Maybe my whole day was a little upsetting. Being mothered by a younger mom, seriously rained on, 32 people in a van designed for 20, ruined language notes, a really bad hair day and cold food and now a loss of internet connectivity. I think what has me most distraught is my lack of having control over what I want to eat, how I'd like it cooked and having a schedule that is pushed onto me by a situation I need to undergo for the time being. There is so much we can't do - like eat the stall foods, or go here or there, do this or that, and then we are tied to others time frames, habits, cultural norms and differences. And I think my age complicates the situation. I do like doing things my way. A month of doing it out of my control has gotten to me and I just need to endure the next month or so and things will change and improve. 

I was tired of food being served cold, of barely cooked fries, of food served to me at every meal because they think I like it. But I don't like food served in ways I don't like, in portions I would never eat, and just plain cold from having been cooked an hour before and sitting on the table while the other four items are prepared. If they are surprised why I eat so little, that might explain it. Please no more eggs at every meal, no more cold meat, no more undercooked potatoes. And no, I am not going to eat a bowl full of rice - never have, never will (never say never).

Tuesday, 21 March 2023 (37)

Breakfast - foods not eaten yesterday - cold. I like eggs occasionally, tomatoes maybe less frequently - just not tomatoes in my eggs.

Let's move on, expect less and appreciate everything.

Keep hoping to find time to edit but between power failures and very long days there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day.

This morning was market day in Sahanivotry. People from all around come to set up shop as well as to shop. I get the impression that each town has its own market day and there are many that go to that day's market to sell their wares. What surprises me is that there is so little chocolate to be found in Sahanivotry. You would think they don't like chocolate here - that or maybe the population can't afford it. I probably went to every small shack shop (as I lovingly call them) to differentiate from the people just selling food and wares on the street under a cover or sometimes not - and I cannot find any chocolate for sale. I did find one vendor and he only sold the small variety. I may have to go down south to the next town over to find more in the future.

Anyway, the market was a large deal with a hundred or more vendors. Lots of "Frippy" clothes but nothing that caught my eye. I think the best stuff may already be picked over by the time it makes its way the smaller markets. Raymond, my host dad showed me his office just 100 meters from the CSB II. I spent half an hour there observing the assistants giving a few vaccines and doing the paperwork. I noticed they don't wear gloves, and have less primitive ways of tipping a pulled piece of cotton into alcohol and then disposing of the sharp in a regular old cardboard box. It works.

Back to the market where I talked with dozens and saw how pigs are tied and thrown onto a taxi-brusse. I also saw the other end of town where it looks like some gambling occurs. I have my GoPro attached to my backpack and surreptitiously record some of the more exciting sights. I could probably also just film but I'm still trying to earn the town's respect and don't want to  seem, too eager to film and less eager to learn of talk with people.

Back at the CSB II, got to sit down with the Doctor and his nurse/midwife/staff types and get a few questions answered that the Peace Corps wants us to ask. I also took a better look at the house I'll be living in. It hasn't gotten any better but I'm not worried. Well at least not much. It could use a new sink. We'll see.

This afternoon back at the Mayor's house and a very tired afternoon trying to finish up some of the project paperwork I have. I should interview a few mothers and caregivers and will try and make some time tomorrow.

Wednesday, 22 March 2023 (38)

Still getting only about five to six hours of sleep but I'm not really finding myself tired. The food is organic, I eat very little snack foods as they are more difficult to find here, and soda is also less of a habit. But I am not drinking enough water for sure. I eat less than most of the family here is eating. They still heap up lots or rice while I am barely touching it. It's rather flavorless for me. Fortunately, my host mom (Odette) serves potatoes (ovy) at most every meal. Cold or luke warm, it's still a favorite. They have given up with me and rice. Many meals I have none. It's seems to be a funny situation for them. Like someone who refuses to breath, sleep or drink water - rice is the staple food for everyone here and served at all meals. It's the majority of what's eaten.

I'm an odd duck regarding not just the food but so much more. I wonder what will happen when I'm left on my own. Not that I'm worried. I need a few more cooking lessons (I've had none) if I am to figure out how to use their foods and not the processed foods I've lived on for decades.

Most of the day was spent in study. It started at breakfast when I finally started thinking about the repairs and improvements I want to make on my new home at the CSB come May. AT first I tried to express how I wanted to haire a couple people to assist with the painting and possibly adding of floor tile. But even looking up a few words, putting them in a communicative sentence and trying to get others understand me was taking more than just a minute or two. I have probably the best language dictionary they have for Malagasy and yet there are so many choices just for a single verb and often there just isn't words in this language as in English. 

There's six less letters in Malagasy. And I think there is also about 5% less words - all of them I have wanted to use but they do not exist - at least in the book. ("Fun" being one of them.) Often I have asked for a word and a synonym is given. So occasionally, one must try and figure out what other word would work when the obvious isn't to be found. There's no plurals (which is helpful) and a few other interesting deletions, additives, exceptions and surprises. Words can sometimes mean two different things. Say rice wrong and you are suddenly "Lost". Pronounce one or more words badly as I usually do and the whole sentence is unintelligent. Try and go caveman style and just string words together and it's as if you're a Martian and they'll often come back with French or worse - silence. I think I can read faces for confusion. I should be an expert at it now. But I also know there is a hidden reaction and thought about me when I can't form a simple three or four word sentence. 

I only pick up a few words here or there when people are conversing with one another. Usually, one can figure out the context but then many speak so quietly, it's hard not to think they are talking about you - to your face and they know you don't have a clue. I do a lot of nodding and try very hard not to use the "si" in Spanish because of it being "no" instead of "yes" in Malagasy. That's a hard one. I'm constantly fighting with it. I also seem to be deferring to Dutch as the first thing that pops into my head and wanting to come out of my mouth - so it's been a very good Dutch refresher - just not very useful here.

So from breakfast till lunch I was working on many questions about improvements and fixing up my soon-to-be new digs. Here's what I came up with until I ran out of time.

CSB II Sahanivotry

Home Improvements & Expenses

Is there no house rent? – Tsy misy hofa trano?

Peace Corps pays Rent? – Manamboatra hofa trano Peace Corps? 
          Pay – mandoa
          Pay for – manonitra

Is there a monthly cost for electricity? - Misy jiro mandeha amin’ny herin-aratra ve vidiny?
          Cost – vidy / vidiny
          Electricity – elektrisite / aratra
          Month - volana

Any additional monthly costs? – Misy ve vidiny tarifa sy sara fanampiny?
          Additional – fanampiny
          Fee – sara
          Tax – tarifa / haba

Who is the landowner/homeowner? - Iza no tompotrano?   Commune
         Owner – tompo
         Landowner – tompontany 
         Homeowner - trompotrano

Who knows this? – Iza no mahalala ity?
          To know - mahalala

Are there city rules/laws for improvement? – Misy ve ny lalana mifehy ny tanana (Sahanivotry) mindritra ny fanatsarana?
          City – Tanana
          Rule (law) – Lalana
          For (conj) – Mandritra
          Improvement – Fanatsarana (n)
          To repair - Manamboatra

Will I need permission? – Mila mahazo alalana?

Get permission from landowner / homeowner? - Mahazo alalana avy any tompotrano, aho?   
         Need – Mila
         Get permission – Mahazo alalana / Fahazoan-dalana (n)

When I return to Sahanivotry (about May 8th or 9th) – Rahoviniana no mody aty Sahanivotry aho?
          To Return – Mody
          About - eo ho eo / Sahabo (measurement)
          8th – FahaValo
          9th – FahaSivy

I would like to hire 1 or 2 workers. – Mijery manakarama iray na roa mpiasa, aho.

I will hire a painter for walls. – Manakarama mpandoko rindina sy plafont, aho.
          Want – Minery
          Hire – Manakarama
          Paint – Mandoko
          Painter – Mpandoko
          For (conj) – mandritra
          Wall – Rindrina
          Ceiling – Plafont?

I will hire a helper for new floor. – Manakarama mpanampy mandio gorodana hazo na karao, aho?
          Floor – Gorodana
          Wood – Hazo
          Tile - Karao
          Cement – Simenitra
          Helper – Mpanampy
          Someone – Olona

Do they have their own tools? – Mpanamboatra fitaovana izy ireo?
         Tools – Fitaovana
         They - Izy ireo

I will hire them for about 3 days. – Manakarama azy eo ho eo amin’ny telo andro, aho.

Pay them 25,000ar per day – Mandoa karama dimyarivo sy roa alina isan’andro ariary, aho.
          Pay daily – Mandoa isan’andro 

I would like to do work also. – Tiako ny miteny hoe ko
          Also - Koa

I have built my own houses - Manana trano amboarina, aho.
          Built – Amboarina
          Build – Manamboatra
          Builder - Mpanamboatra

I will buy paint and paint brushes in Antsirabe. – Te hividy loko sy fitaovana handokona (borosy) eny Antsirabe, aho.

I will buy flooring in Antsirabe. - Te hividy loko sy fitaovana anamboarana gorodana sy simenitra eny Antsirabe, aho.
          Cement - Simenitra

Need suggestion on flooring. – Mila atoro ny fividianana  gorodana, aho.
          Suggestion - Toro-hevitra

Will we need to rent a car to transport supplies? – Mila fiara iskia itaterana ny fitaovana?

Do you have a measuring tool? – Manana fitaovana andrefesana ve, ianao?

I will go to CSB and measure house / floor. – Mandeha eny amin’ny CSB II mandrefy ny gorodana, aho.
          Measurements – Refy
          Get – Mahazo
          Floor – Gorodana
          Tools – Fitaovana
          Measuring tool - Fitaovana refy

There's plenty more. 

Then came the more difficult part. I was asking my host mom to help me. It got confusing fast because she was trying to help me fix, change or improve the sentences. She's speaking in Malagasy and I'm trying to type corrections. "O" sound like "U", "I" like "E" and many more extra words that were needed. It was a frustrating challenge just to make sense and not show that frustration. Occasionally, I could tell she wasn't giving me what my question was asking. Then she mixes in the answers to the questions and confuses me further.

Here's the weird but good part. I can make sense out of most of it. I just can't pronounce any word with more than four syllables very well yet. I haven't heard the word enough, or said it enough, nor been corrected enough. Humbling and exciting and frustrating and…sorry, I don't have the words in Malagasy nor in English to express the emotion.

Thursday, 23 March 2023 (39)

Ran out of meds. Didn't bring enough for all the days.

Waited more than an hour for the Taxi-Brusse and had no emotional goodbye from or for my host family. It has been odd - my bad Malagasy and their being younger than me. Overall, I think it went well. But glad to headed back.

Not a bad taxi-brusse to Antsirabe. I had the whole backseat with my gear. Had reserved my own single room that cost me a whopping 52,000ar ($10). Lots of walking to see what items are available for installation in May. But I forgot that most Peace Corps volunteers are here with no income to supplement their monthly stipend with and they likely don't want to hear what hope to do to improve my situation here..

Found a chocolate cake that was near impossible to resist and only cost 5000ar ($1). Then spent 45 minutes in a bank trying to convert $225 US currency to Ariary. I have no idea how complicated or time consuming the process was. The teller scanned the money, checked anything and everything she possible could. She even consulted with three other people and eventually I think they checked the vault to see if they had any US currency in the building. In the end she declined exchanging the bills because the Secretary of State and the Secretary of Treasury signatures weren't the same. I tried to tell her that the bills have different years and no way would the same people be in those offices after 20 years. Didn't work out. Ended up getting about 1,000,000ar out on my card but it came with a $16 fee. I think the ATM fee is cheaper.

Friday, 24 March 2023 (40)

Travel to Tana day. The five of us south of Antsirabe took the VIP bus in to Tana. It was a 4-5 hour trip and so much more comfortable for just about a dollar more than the standard Taxi-Brusse. Before getting on the Taxi there was some discussion about the cost of drinks and it was quite obvious that they have to penny pinch to make ends meet. While I have probably spend an addition $100-200 (over what the Peace Corps has given us as allowance) in the first 6 weeks here. I have to be careful I don't let on too much the extra money I have or spend. I feel badly for them but I am also twice there age and have an income and don't plan on scaping by here in my 60's.

It's weird that the taxi to our hotel cost about the same price just to take us the last 20 minutes to our Hotel La Residence as the 4-5 trip did. I really wanted to see some part of Tana so I had the Taxi wait for me to get my room and take me back out. We first stopped at the bank where I took out the most cash so far - 700,000ar from an ATM machine. Then I had my heart set on a desk lamp which I found at a big shopping center. 

Checked out all the furniture and found an ok lamp. We should have went to the hardware store first where they had a larger assortment. Next the grocery store which looks like a store in America and even more stocked than the ShopRite in Antsirabe.

I drug my taxi driver around with me to the three stores and hopefully made it worth his while, paying him 60,000ar total and even bought him an ice cream. He gave me his number to call when I was in town again.

Back at the hotel I decided to head there again as I felt rushed with my escort/bodyguard/taxi/driver. So while the other volunteers were still coming in from their sites, I took another Taxi back and got to find things I've long been looking for like resealable baggies, a French/English dictionary, and of course a brighter lamp, and found another MCB ATM. Picked up a couple items for others who weren't in town yet.

Dinner at La Residence was plain if not awful. Two small pieces of chicken and of course rice. (Who doesn't like rice? Oh yeah, me.)

Everyone was exchanging stories of their sites. I felt better about mine having heard so much of others. Many have no power. Others are close to the ocean which would have been nice. Others are way out in the middle of nowhere and have hours to travel to their banking town. I think I have the best of all things. I'm glad that everyone seems to be enjoying the place they have been assigned. Only a few hiccups for a couple.

Pulled out a ton of money from the ATMs trying to stockpile money for the eventual installation so I will have the cash on hand come May.

Saturday, 25 March 2023 (41)

Not everyone is pleased with their site. Having talked with several volunteers - most seem to like their site about 6-8 out of 10. A couple dislike their site a lot and feel it is not safe or too hot. Many are a day or more of travel to get there. Many had great experience with their host families, many much more different that mine.

I do feel better about my site and home now that I have seen what others are up against. No one has the perfect site. 

Spent a little time looking for this scripture.

Doctrine and Covenants Section 51: 

16 And I consecrate unto them this land for a little season, until I, the Lord, shall provide for them otherwise, and command them to go hence;

17 And the hour and the day is not given unto them, wherefore let them act upon this land as for years, and this shall turn unto them for their good.

A few years back my Stake President gave us this scripture to relay to us how we should live our lives in relation to a quickly changing environment. In our case, a stake membership that changed constantly. Literally, our stake would change people about every two years. It was perhaps one of the most transient stakes in the church other than the wards and stakes at BYU or Idaho and Hawaii. 

The scripture itself has something to do with the saints at this time who had been persecuted and ran out of various communities. How should one act, behave, or think when one settles anew in another place and wonders if it's just a matter of time before they again could be displaced. Part of the answer is here - that one should "act upon the land as for years". Think long term, think how things could or should play out in the long term. Worry less about short term problems or issues.

Here is the Peace Corps connection. I may officially be here for two years. I can never be sure if my health, a family member's health, or a dozen other issues could come up and I might have to leave this place permanently or just for a short term. But I believe I should act on the long term, I should behave as if I would fulfill my two year voluntary service and worry less about the reality of the unexpected.

Not sure why I was thinking of this scripture but know it helps me work through any concerns I may have of the possibility of my service being cut short.

I connected with the stake President here in Madagascar area. He and I could not communicate but within the hour I did receive a call from one of his counselors and we discussed the possibility of coming to a branch meeting close to Mantasoa.

A Good Day for Language

Soon to be my new home for 2 years.

Sunday, 19 March 2023 (35)

There is so much going on here in a single day that it is difficult to keep track of it all. I usually keep track of some of the details by writing them in one of the many small pocket-sized notebooks I carry around with me.

I'll start with the shower this morning. I thought it was very kind of them to heat up some water for me but unnecessary. Poured some on my leg and discovered it was scalding hot. Now I'm assuming it was for me to throw on the shower floor for sanitizing purposes. Instead I had 1st degree burns that I felt until late today.

This morning's breakfast was a little lackluster where I said little and probably ate even less. The food is usually luke warm, if at all, except for the rice which I'm assuming is cooked last. Meals always seem to take an hour or two to prepare and served barely warm. Charcoal is used instead of gas here and only a single cast iron pot is used.

I had mentioned a few foods I like or had help translating with my Peace Corps staff member when they dropped me off. But I think they overdo it by preparing too much of one thing. I said I liked tomatoes so a big plate of sliced tomato's are served. I'm likely going to try some but not eat much. The same with lettuce. Also, it was mentioned I should have water boiled for virus control. Turns out they think I'm interested in drinking hot water, which they do at some meals, but I do not.

Raymond and Odette's son went to Catholic church with me this morning. We left at 8:30 for a service that starts at 9:30. So we set out south to the next town and went quite a ways - several kilometers. We had a good time talking or at least me fumbling with some creative Malagasy. I really expected that he was going to church for himself and then I was just tagging along. But then we must have past the church a kilometer when I said I think we past it. He agreed it was in the last town we walked through and didn't have any good reason why we kept walking. I was confused. Maybe he was confused. So we turned around and eventually stopped in a church which was very, very dark - spent three minutes and left. I made jokes that I didn't sing and that it was too dark. There also wasn't a single seat available. We got some water, soda and chocolate and immediately handed them out to children. Went to another church, sat through another song then they passed around the collection plate - or I should say a man with a bag on the end of a stick went around and collected offerings. I had been told about this and had my few hundred Ariary ready.

More chocolate, most of it given to kids and back down the long haul back again. I spent a whole lot more on chocolate for kids than I gave as an offering in church. I was tempted to put a small chocolate in the collection bag but I was out. In all it was three hours to walk there and back and just a few minutes actually spent in church.  But we had lots of fun and I learned some silly Malagasy words. This was also one of the first days where I actually used more verbs and constructed more sentences, even if they were simple four and five word sentences.

Back home I did laundry and took another shower after that three hour hike. Another hike (15 minutes) into xxxxxxxx and talked with most people along the way. Probably connected with 50 or more, some kids, mostly adults. Avoided as much as possible one man who appears to be inebriated and tried getting money from me yesterday and today. I'm feeling like I'm finally slowing my speech down, getting understood more, and feeling casual and not nervous in my conversations. Yes, I am still using my printed materials but only a glance to remind me of the next phrase or where I'm going with the discussion. It is usually always the same dozen questions or phrases - WHat is your name? Where are you from? How old are you? Married? Children? What do you do for work? Hobbies? and so forth but there is more winging it and expanding out or moving things around more. What I really need is another dozen questions.

I am still very much a novelty in town. The kids follow me around just to see what I may do or if I'll pull out my camera again and film them. One or two of the adults call me by name and remember me from the other day, but then I am about to disappear for a month before returning for the two years.

I did run into the Doctor again. He was having a drink with some others visiting from another CSB. I bought a liter of Coke and some cookies and joined them. I seemed to hold my own with mostly Malagasy, some French and bit of English. 

Home again where we had a thirty minute discussion about me going into Antsirabe tomorrow. The Doctor is planning to be out of town tomorrow so I won't have much to do. I wanted to hit the banking town on my own again. Getting on a Taxi-brusse isn't a problem - it's getting back. Not sure where I'd pick one up but I think Odette is planning to go into town with me and show me. I'm trying to insist on paying but I don't think they will let me.

Dinner was a two hour affair to cook. Then the power went out. They we ate and sat around the table like so many other families would on a Sunday evening talking about Malagasy and funny words and bad language apps that seem to be making up English words that don't exist. The difference being that the kitchen and dining room is as dark as a cave (even when there is power), food is cooked over charcoal near an open door, and it all is cold by the time it is served - in the dark. This is just the kind of conversation, kindness and sharing going on all over the world. But of course in America - the advanced comforts and luxuries we take so for granted may get in the way of the connection one-on-one that is happening here.

A good day for language.

Definitely a "Fixer-Upper".

Site Visit

Host families and Volunteers (Not in picture.)

Thursday, 16 March 2023 (32)

Another class this morning where the host families and volunteers worked on the agenda for the week we'd be at the site. Since I didn't have a host person show up, I just guesstimated when things could happen. We have to meet the Mayor but since the Mayor is my host family, that's taken care of. Market day is a done deal, and we'll go to my banking town Antsirabe, any day other than Sunday when things could be closed. Then the CSB (clinic) and my supervisor wants me there two days a week (Mondays and Fridays) 8 to 12. The rest if not all of it we'll just wing. 

I have assignments to do - like get a pulse on the communities health, find resources, make connections and fill in a few forms with contact names and numbers. I also have to check out my new home and see if it meets all the standards or if there are still repairs, improvements or construction that needs to happen.

We made the three hour trek to Tana. I guess I was expecting a nicer hotel. It's alright but nothing special and certainly not like in the downtown of business district as I had expected. Being the only male in the group I did get my own room. Dinner was very lame. We didn't get to choose and got a piece of meat which was fine and a large serving of rice. No water (not that we should drink their water) or any kind of drink at all unless you ordered a beer or other alcohol from the menu. The lighting was dim if not dark. The volunteer girls ate together while I ate with the host families. I thought that would be more entertaining but they weren't very conversant. Instead I found a large group of people from Poland on a vacation here for the last 15 or 16 days. Met two nice ladies - one was from LA, the other from Chicago. Got a picture. They are flying out tonight back to Paris and then to Poland..

The Antsirabe group is trying to work out a place to stay when we come back next Thursday. They supposedly could only get two rooms for nine of us. I can't understand how they think that is going to work out. I am not sharing a room with three or four girls and certainly not these girls. I'll see if my host family can help me make arrangements on that.

Friday, 17 March 2023 (33)

I awoke at 6am as I was told I wouldn't be picked up until 7:30. Two calls from one of the other volunteers. She expressed to me that the group was worried about me and that I might miss out on breakfast. Not a problem. Had I eaten, I might have vomited it all up from the road to Sahanivotry. The road wasn't very bad with potholes like the road to Mantasua. It was paved for the most part but the Peace Corps driver was very fast and the road had many turns.

It was maybe a five hour trip down. We stopped along the way for a bathroom break. Immediately became ingulfed in sellers hawking their wares and asking for money. The corn looked good but was a little on the unfinished side. And there was no butter or salt.  I managed a few bites but it did go out the window within a mile or two.

I felt bad as I had nothing to say and everyone looked like they could use a little money. I don't like being in that situation where I just can't give and yet I find it hard not to.

On the way to Antsirabe, I had many questions. The countryside is very hilly in parts, mountainous in others and just slightly flat in others. I believe that is why they call it the highlands. 

Stopped in Antsirabe for about 30-40 minutes. Had lunch at a fast food place - something "Gastronome Pizza". Prices were higher that street food but relatively cheap. A hamburger, frites and milkshake was 19,000ar or a little more than $4.20. The hamburger had a Malagasy twist with a very large bun and small patty with lots of veggies (I took those off). The fries were fine though I do believe the Malagasy people do not cook them long enough, nor (as I have mentioned earlier) do that eat the skins. The milk shake was not thick but was like milk, but it was cool, maybe not cold. And everyone and most signs are all in French - just for an added complication.

My driver and Feno had an errand to get vary (rice), so they told me, unless it was a ploy to see how I'd do in a big city without any assistance. Left me on my own for 30 minutes or so. I finished eating and walked a few blocks. I was hoping to find a bank to exchange my US currency. Turns out I forgot banks are closed from about noon till 2pm. And Airtel vendors only sell the scratch-off cards in the bigger stalls, not the small. My cell says I am out of credits but it may not matter as "Airtel" signal does not work in Sahanivotry. Looks like I'll need to get the "Orange" cell carrier brand here.

I did find a bank ATM. It didn't work after the first three pin number passes but did on the fourth attempt. I took out what I thought was a lot of money 100,000ar but it's only $22. That's 5 lunches. I also saw some socks and bought a couple pair for 10,000 ($2) but they look too small for adult Americans. Did give out some money to a woman begging while I didn't to another. Seems to be little to no rhyme or reason to my decision.

Arrived in xxxxx (asked not to name for security) about 1:30 or 2. Of course, I flubbed my introduction and first conversation with Odette, my host mother. And this in front of Feno, who I think is over language training. He spent half an hour explaining a few Peace Corps rules and what not and had money for her to help offset feeding and taking care of me. I think she was quite willing to do so without it. He also help translate my peculiar eating foods and that I don't drink a whole lot of liquids. I don't think they know much about the Peace Corps. So few people here do.

My first impression of the town was that it was small. The car was slowing down and then they told me we had arrived so I am not sure I even saw much of it in passing. I didn't see any shack stores nor the CSB. It looked just like a bunch of houses spread on this side and the other on the road. My host family seems fairly poor. I can understand why they may not have come to Peace Corps Camp. They might not have had the money - even if it was to be reimbursed. And I don't think Odette (my host mom) knows anything about the Peace Corps or if it a worthy endeavor to support.

It looks like I am sleeping in the family room - it has a dining room table in it and the lighting is the best in all the house. There's three floors. The ground floor looks like it mostly storage and meant for garage and animal use. The second floor is where the cooking and eating happens and I have yet to see the floor about which probably has the bedrooms. I believe Odette said she had 4 children. The youngest teen of 16 is still at home while the others live in Antsirabe.

Just as the Peace Corps guys were leaving I met who I think is neighbors and friends who live a house or three away. Not sure but maybe they are also family. Started the tour but as soon as we got to the potatoes being cleaned, I jumped in and started washing potatoes. I figured that maybe my language skills are terrible but perhaps I can show helpful skills instead and try and compensate. Then we were peeling and cutting up the potatoes and feeding the scraps to the cow. 

Spent a lot of time in the simple kitchen. They use charcoal for cooking and I can tell all their pots, pans, dishes, utensils and everything really is old and has seen lots of use. I though how wonderful a potato peeler and cutting board would be and I might go looking for one in Antsirabe.

We talked a lot of bad Malagasy and I just butchered the pronunciation and had terrible sentence structure if any at all. I had the hotel in Tana print me out three sheets but I haven't had any time to get it in my head. But we did have lots of laughs. Charades works as well. More people would come by and it was raining like cats and dogs.

This was a dark, and primitive situation. My original tent on the mountain and the cabin has better equipment and food prep things than here. Mom Odette cooked the frites and she handed some around. I didn't know what to make of it and basically I thought this was dinner. Turns out after I thought we had departed for the night a knock came and she announced the real sit-down dinner. There were the fries, soupy-rice, little mini fish (small like tadpole fish - which were fine), carrots and pears for dinner (again the skins had to come off). We had some jokes but very little conversation understood by both sides. And the food was cold or room temperature - a Malagasy standard.

I'm pretty sure I couldn't survive long if I had a more than a week here but we'll see tomorrow when I see my house, any stores and how I respond to the others and the town. A good state I believe never-the-less.

It's been a long and tiring day. Let's see how long I can stay awake.

CSB II where I will be working next two years.

Saturday, 18 March 2023 (34)

An interesting day. Feno and his driver from the Peace Corps stopped in after my breakfast of egg, bread, soupy rice (vary) which I had a little of and left over fries. We talked a little more and clarified my bad eating habits (meat and potatoes and so little vegetables). I think there was some misunderstanding when the Peace Corps said to sanitize the water by boiling it. They in turn offer me hot water (which I think they drink often with their meals) but I am sorry, I don't drink hot water burnt or otherwise. And that's not a "word of wisdom" thing - I just don't like hot water..

Went into town and met with the doctor and the CSB II. The staff was pleasant and seems to not know a lot about the Peace Corps. He spoke a lot of French as that is what the medical profession is taught in and speaks. I saw the room I'll be staying is and it needs work. It's a "fixer-upper". One big room that should be quite adequate for my needs and could use a little paint and more but we'll make due. There was a line of high school student types so there was no time to visit. Next week, call first.

Then we went into Antsirabe to get me connected with "Orange" service. I think I can use it even when I get back to Mantasua. We'll find out. Hit an American type of grocery store where the prices are higher but still not much more than what they are in the states. I found Pepsi and Monster drinks (go figure). For the average Malagasy, they are bound to be out of their reach but not for us rich Americans in a poor country. I just don't know how they can make a profit unless the US market is really raking in with the margins. 

Got the Peace Corps people to give me a half an hour to go looking on my own for t-shirts and a pair of shoes. Haven't had any luck with finding second hand clothes (called Frip or Frippy) it's all wrinkled and possibly unwashed. Looks like it came straight off the bales from Deseret Industries. New T-shirts on the other hand were going for 40-45,000 ($8-9) and probably worth it as I have none. At least the slogans on the new ones are predictable. Mostly Nike or sports related. Next time maybe.

I did get another pair of shoes, maybe they are an 11 (European 45) and I'm sure I paid too much. I think it was 160,000 ($35). Probably should have walked away but I did want another pair rather badly. I'd hate to be left with just the Steel toed shoes in a pinch. And this is after I negotiated them down from 200,000ar. I also found an appliance store and a hardware store. Paint was 100,000ar ($22) for a 5 gallon bucket of whatever color they offer which is the rainbow. A gallon of paint is about a quarter of that. Upright standing fans are also in that range of 100,000 - 200,000ar. A one-burner stove was about 70,000ar. I'd really like to find screen material to put up on the exterior windows to keep the bugs and mosquitoes out while keeping the windows open. Peace Corps people said they had it available along with cheaper stores selling appliances.

Got back early this afternoon with plenty of time to walk down the road 15 minutes to the main street of town. Started at the CSB II and spoke a few minutes with the Doctor again. He was just finishing lunch. We communicated both good and badly. I definitely have run out of conversational phrases with my very limited vocabulary. Then I thought he was walking me to the gate but instead walked the block back to the town's main center and introduced me to a few people. There's a hotel (hotely in Malagasy) but it doesn't look like a place most travelers would stay at. Definitely would receive some negative stars in any travel book but you would never find many rooms cheaper - probably just a few dollars.  

Everyone looked poor and in need of better clothing, sanitation and hygiene. Well, not everyone but many. It is strange to think that these could be my new neighbors and friends for the next two years. I could handle that. And that's what I'm both expecting and hoping for. I'm also older than most which makes for an interesting situation. I want to get off on the right foot with these people. Be friendly, be kind, be approachable, be strange and entertaining but also be understanding - give them of my time, my talents, my heart and my spirit. What is mine is theirs. What I can give - I offer. And yet somewhere deep inside I know I'll never be able to fully understand how really difficult their lives are or how our worlds could ever be very similar. I know that eventually, I will set up my place to be more comfortable and more luxurious that perhaps anyone else in town - just because I have the resources to do so.

Armed only with my 20 phrases typed on copy paper and stapled together - I was able to communicate and do some basic friendly talk. I know I could survive, I could buy what I needed, I could learn more, figure out what I wanted to say, what I needed to say and get through this. But I'll still need these next several weeks to get more building blocks and help from Peace Corps staff that will teach and correct me and give me the tools I need to frame up new sentences, new phrases, new lines of dialog. Eventually, I will improve, eventually I will learn more, be understood better and become friends with people I'd never come to know in any other way. This is soon to be my new home and my new language and I am ok with that.

 Back at my host family's place, there was a large group of a dozen women downstairs. Being the Mayor's home, I thought that maybe the neighbors had come around like yesterday to see the new stranger. Instead, they were gathering money for some cause I could not figure out, nor divine from my host's explanation. I offered my dictionary but I don't think many can read. I eventually came to a saying that this was some kind of a savings collection for a rainy day. But then I found it humorous and looked up the words to say that "It rains everyday". They found it funny but probably wasn't in the spirit of the collection. I offered 10,000ar but I don't know what that means nor whether it was little or a lot. My host mom looked appreciative so I guess it was ok.

Final Prep for Site Visit

The group returning from big Market Day last week.

Wednesday, 15 March 2023 (31)

Liver and watermelon for breakfast. You've got to love this place - meat with all meals. It goes without saying that rice was also served. People here as in America have some unusual eating habits. They use their spoon more than we do. Most don't eat the skin of grapes, nor were they aware of seedless grapes. They also peel potatoes and don't eat the skins. I'm sure I already mentioned all fish are cooked with heads and bones attached. Would you like some hot chocolate with that? Make sure you use the sugar that the ants haven't found.

Generally speaking the training materials are not so great. Besides it being US government training with several long, lengthy and high fluting words when one or two simple ones would work - the power points are fairly badly designed. Too much text on most slides. They are produced locally from US materials and design isn't a forte of the Malagasy. Lots of white text on light colored backgrounds. I've been meaning to offer some help but other staff members also can't seem to convince them and they have design degrees.

I've had to sit in the front row just to make out most of it and even then few can read them (which we are asked to do a lot of). I don't mind the safety, health, culture, policy and general "all around everything we need" training to do our jobs - currently, this first quarter of our Peace Corps lives, we're focused on youth health. Over the course of our stay, we'll get more specific health training for mothers and pregnancies, vaccines, clean water, nutrition and more topics.

The language training on the other hand is top notch. The instructors for the most part are really here to help and if we want new words translated they stop whatever their plan is and give them to us. They teach us where we are or what we need if we don't know ourselves. I have literally my own private tutor as I mentioned. I probably both need it and wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm down a couple more pounds. Lost 11 so far. Hard to believe because I am supplementing with some treats and soda. This afternoon we had a language lesson on transportation costs and how to get a Taxi-brusse and other forms of transportation to and from places. We also received 410,00 ariary this evening for our weekly stipend and travel money. We'll be staying in a couple hotels, buy our own food with it, and pay for the transportation back to PC camp eventually at the end of this next week. That money will also cover us buying a "Po" (the word means "bucket" - a certain kind of bucket with a lid on it, to do… you know what… in). We'll need that at our new place. And we've been told never carry one on a taxi-brusse even if it is brand new. They also won't take animals (maybe a chicken) but no cats or dogs. For that you have to hire a private taxi or car. And I'm sure that is likely to be very expensive - like $15-20 dollars instead of the normal $5 to get between our towns and our banking city - mine being Antsirabe.

By the way that 410,000 Ariary is equivalent to about $90.00. We are rich.

Return to Camp

A beetle likely native only to Madagascar

Tuesday, 14 March 2023 (30)

Packed up for the move to PC camp where we will be until we leave on Wednesday or Thursday to Tana. Left the key so the Robertini's can sweep or do whatever else needs to be done. Took about half of my clothes but only one camera - the GoPro.

Another language lesson and then a quick question and answer period about our site visits. There's only about 8 or nine of us in Camp as everyone else left yesterday as they have sites farther away.

Walked to the edge of town to pick up a few items from the store. By the time I got back to the gate I had given away three of my cookie packages to a girl, people waiting at the Gendarmes and one of the security guards. I had forgotten that I should have bought more if I'm going to continue to share treats this way.

Back to camp and was able to upload all the YouTube videos on their Wi-Fi, either because it is fast or that few if any are using it. Mostly it's just the five interviews up now. One is waiting for the volunteer to give me her permission and another is about Showers and getting well water. That has to wait until I have some of the other videos up if I want to have some order about it all.

Our host families turned up sometime after five - all except mine. It seems there was some complication or confusion and my family or host mom or dad didn't turn up at all. It looks like I will be doing training with the others tomorrow and then head to Tana and on to Sahanivotry with an LCF who may or may not train my host family. Either way it looks like I'm an exception in most things here.

I'm thinking that this only give me more time to study as well as time to edit.

First Haircut

Cutting grass - Malagasy style.

Saturday, 11 March 2023 (27)

We did some health conversations in town related to the health of children under the age of five. We also had guests who spent some time with each of our groups to tell us more about the regional differences and uniqueness of our regions.

Then I put a little more study in before a quick nap and into town for both an opportunity to talk to people and do a little shopping. Bought Totos a very large bone which likely needs to be cut up if she's even to get her mouth around it.

I think I'm having a bad day. Not feeling like the language is coming. Probably just a bad day. 

I think we're up to five volunteers who have Covid now.

Worked on a very short video. I'm going to try and upload it. It's a placeholder video to explain that more is coming and that I've been filming all along but just need to get things edited. I have about 5 interviews with other Peace Corps volunteers that I shortened down and will upload them one at a time as I have time in the late evening when internet speeds are best.

Sunday, 12 March 2023 (28)

Fairly restful day. I didn't go anywhere except outside to play with and feed Totos and the chickens. Did some packing for the site visit later this week. Cut down my medical kit for traveling. Studied for a couple hours and wrote out the half a dozen paragraphs I need translated in Malagasy for my Language Proficiency Test down the road. The plan is to hijack the discussion and have this memorized part to help me impress the tester with my language skills and fill up some of the time. 

Here's the text I am having Rindra, my instructor help me translate into Malagasy.

I am here to help.

I wish only to understand, to appreciate and to love the people.

My time, talents, and heart is for you and those in need.

I am sorry I have only a short time to serve.

There is no inconvenience or sacrifice too great that I could not or would not endure to be here.

When I leave this beautiful place which I hope to call my home, I believe I will never have done enough, 

never learned enough, never understood enough, never loved enough.

Thank you for your help. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for your hospitality. 

Thank you for loving us and giving us the opportunity to love you and the Malagasy people.

I believe there is a God. I pray he will bless you, your people, and our feeble efforts to serve.

How can I help?

I sewed a hole in my pants. It was the first time I sewed anything in the last decade or two. I also edited more interviews and made short versions to put up on YouTube. Last night I did manage to edit and put up a short - one minute segment to explain that videos are indeed coming. It was also a good test to see how bad uploading speeds are. It took all of 12-15 minutes for a one minute clip. I think it might be faster if I waited until midnight or later.

Monday, 13 March 2023 (29)

Today we've been on the Peace Corps Adventure exactly 1 month - if one does not count the lengthy process getting here. I was up until about 2am and even then I let the computer finish uploading. It took between two and three hours to upload a nine and a half minute video - probably the longest interview of the five that I have. Two more interviewees have asked that I not use their interviews. 

There is no time change here like in the states where they have just sprung forward for the spring. Here we follow the universal clock and rise with the light and sleep when it gets dark - or at least the current residents here do. I'm still burning the candle at both ends. I woke to Father Robertini calling my name. It was 6:30 and the first time I did not wake up automatically. The Robertini's had once again set breakfast outside my door as we were headed to PC Camp for some of the groups to leave and some last minute training for us all.  I ate most pf the breakfast but gave Toto's the bread and some school kids my two bananas. I think I have had bananas every day I have been here.

My Covid test was negative this morning. We'll be taking another on Wednesday and Friday. We have been issued a dozen tests or so. With so many of us (5) currently having Covid I am amazed that there are still girls (six this morning) who still are not wearing a mask in the van that picks us up at the post office at 7:30, even though we're been asked to do so. Just the driver, Tojo and I were wearing them. I did not want to speak up with this specific group and neither did Tojo. He said he did not want to embarrass or say anything publicly. I found it interesting that a main discussion these girls had this morning was about getting a manicure or pedicure while in Tana. I'm more interested in finding some socks and a t-shirt. Believe it of not - I brought no T-shirts as I knew I could always pick them up in Madagascar. The problem is that the small local stores don't carry much other than food items, candies, cigarettes, flip flops and basic cooking items. For the more stocked store with towels, clothing and the like - one has to travel to a much larger town.

I was surprised when Cedric said he and his parents had already seen his interview video I uploaded. I was hoping to ask him if it was ok first, or at least give him both the long and short versions. Then I was going to mention that the video is already online. He doesn't seem to care.

We were given our Madagascar ID cards that we must have on us at all times. Included was a color copy of our government passport and our visa.  And there's paperwork we need to fill out when we are on site. Contact numbers, hours our CSB will be open, GPS grid coordinates for our house and a landing zone for a helicopter should an emergency arise. There's a few forms we've been given as homework to do while we are there. A few facts and figures to collect and start already to integrate into the community.

The man over all the instructors and I had a talk. I thanked him for his kind evaluation the other day and he mentioned the reasons why I am in a language study group all alone. It seems they know how I have been a little on the outs with the group and they worry that I may have a slower or different learning pace. I believe they truly have made exceptions for me - including housing me at the remote classroom building.

Rindra, my personal instructor/ tutor and I have hit it off well and she is nothing but complimentary, even though I think differently. We spent half the class reviewing conversation I can have with my site host family and the other half out and about talking to men, women and children trying to get me more practice. Still using my book and notes to keep me on task and moving forward with the right phrasing, questions and pronunciation. But I do so mangle the language. I asked Rindra if she could help me with the phrases, "I have Tourretes." or "I am a stutterer." She had no idea what that is. Doesn't look like I can fall back on that.

After class I headed into town to get a haircut. Step dad Robertini's told me there was none but I've seen the french sign "Couture". I stopped at one hairdresser and we had a friendly if not confusing conversation from my part but she would not cut my hair. Down the road I did find a male barber. He took forever. I think I could have gone to a wedding after this haircut which had to have been 30 minutes or more. I have a limited vocabulary so could only say "kely, kely" hair. But then I realized he may think I want short hair or just have my hair trimmed a little. It turned out to be something between the two. And of course I couldn't make out what the price should be. I had heard it was about 2000 to 3000 Ariary. I gave him 20,000 and said to keep all of it. It's crazy when you can get a haircut for 50 cents.

Outburst Follow-up

After the Rain

Friday, 10 March 2023 (26)

Up early at 4:30. Don't think the sleep is affecting me. Four hours, six or seven hours, likely the same though I would say it's harder to stay awake in some classes but that may be a separate no matter how much sleep I got. I emptied my "Po" in the shower. I found a rock or maybe a meat bone fragment in it. Don't ask how I knew that .

Studying up more on xxxxxxxx (asked not to give location of permanent site). Trying to get the names of my host family, their jobs (town major & wife) and my other contacts down as well as learn a little more of what is required of me and what are the ongoing projects.

Classes today on "Emergency Preparedness", "Site Visits", "Being a Foreigner in Madagascar" and our "Emergency Action Plan". We need to have a "Go" bag at all times and have many phone numbers literally committed to memory in case of medical or emergencies of any kind (including marauding cattle rustlers - I kid you not). We got a medical wrist band with our Duty Medical Phone number and doctor's name in case we are incapacitated or just can't remember the number.

We had five or six volunteers from G57 join us for a couple classes. They are our emergency Wardens - individuals who help pass information up and down the chain of command about emergencies, our locations and assist us in any emergencies. They were also helpful when we asked questions about what's to come and actually being on site. Also had a visit from a RPCV (Return Peace Corps Volunteer) who stayed in Madagascar when everyone else went home for Covid a few years ago. She has since lived here five years and teaches 4th graders at the British school in Tana. Helpful to hear her insights and what we need to focus on and how to handle certain situations as foreigners.

One of G57 is older like me (in her 50s). Said there really was a lot of ageism in her group (more than at home). I gather from her comments that it is even worse than for me. She is a woman and doesn't fit in with the women, and certainly not with the men, and she thought the staff minimized her as well. We both agree that there is a high school atmosphere here and maturity isn't appreciated. Almost impossible to earn their respect or inclusion. They are often too involved into themselves and their clique.

Did laundry at lunch but drying it in the lower dungeon of the Fortress. It will probably take all night to dry.

Before lunch our American over training asked to speak with three of us over the incident that happened the other day when I blew up. She just wanted to make sure I felt my voice was being hear and had value. She said she was worried over how I was taking things and coping. She noticed that I have spent lots of time with and around staff and thought that was a good way to find support, if I needed it. But I am spending time around staff because they are Malagasy (the people I have come to help or be of service to). It is easy to spend time with them, to listen to them, to learn from them, to be their friend, to love them. I tell them often that I love them, that they are my friends, that they have pampered and treated us so kindly. They are teaching us, and have become the first we have loved, and eventually show us the way to love all Malagasy. I pretty much brushed off any need or concern and expressed what I was doing to earn the cohort's trust and remain in the groups good graces. Ask their forgiveness for any real or unintended offenses, support, encourage, and compliment them at every opportunity. Doesn't matter if it works or not - it's what I have to do.

The two others that were asked to stay after class may have been some of the louder voices on that recorded training video (it was zoom training recorded for our Covid trainees). Perhaps she also wanted to express her concerns for their voices or just wanted to check in on their versions and opinions.  

Another trip to the stores to buy whatever. I have a hoot going into one store where I purposefully go in unprepared and have fun looking around for new things to try and buy. And I finally got some kind of a popsicle though it was about the size of an extra-large marshmallow and tasted like frozen ice with very little flavor. It was the first icy thing I've had since the plane ride here.

At another store I frequent, I bought a treat for the dog. They find it funny that I keep doing this and comment to other customers "he's buying it for the dog Totos". Little do they know - I also share it with the chickens.

Social Suicide

Outdoor Classes when possible

Tuesday, 7 March 2023 (23)

This morning after breakfast and before classes, I learned how the water gets from a well to the 60 gallon barrel called my shower. Half a dozen bucket runs later the barrel was getting back to where it started. I filmed the process and hope to edit it tonight. We'll see.

Had a class on gender. As I may have mentioned earlier - there is only one word for he/she/it - "izy". Still a dangerous topic to go off and say anything unchecked.

While Samson has Covid, three others are sick with something. One asked if he could lie down in the classroom next to my room over lunch. Two other girls weren't at the afternoon classes. Probably didn't miss much as they covered fire safety basics. I hated doing it but at some point I blurted out I was a firefighter for seven years and added that they don't want to put water on grease fires. That ended up being the next power point slide, so maybe they think I know a thing or two. Really, it's just this one thing.

A walk to the store again, spent a whopping $6 on a bucket, chocolate (or course) 8 notebooks (very small) some bread for Totos and now the neighbor dog. She can tell when I've got food, I'm sure of it. Maybe an hour of language study. Going through the dictionary and got most of the easy, necessary or low hanging fruit words. Making my own dictionaries of words I want or need to know. Also thinking about making an audio tape of the verbs to be played back instead of music on the MP3 player.

International Women's Day, Wednesday, 8 March 2023 (24)

The day is celebrated here with many women not having to work, so we've been told.

I really wonder if a couple of the women are going to survive or thrive here. One volunteer had one of the young men from her host family carry her backpack from her house to the Post Office for the van pickup. It's about a 15 minute walk. One only needed to pack for an overnight.

The Peace Corps is more serious about masks now that we have two volunteers with Covid and want them on in the vehicles and sent a message with a re-emphasis in wearing them in close contact and in classes. But a couple of the girls on the way in to Camp either didn't read the messages or don't seem to care. The rules do find their way into getting stretched when some do not seem to care or obey. My goal is not to be the one to get sick or injured, though that likelihood is slim over time.

Had more classes in sexual harassment and sexual assault. I had asked to possibly be excused as I'm not likely to be able to add to what is basically a woman issue. Out nurse suggested it was Peace Corps standard and would be beneficial, if it wasn't likely to be triggering to me. Triggering in a different sort of way is the reality.

One of the volunteers went off the rails with lots of emotion followed by others and Brett (the country director) said he was expecting this question and conversation to occur. He may not have used the best words when he brought up "paralyzing fear" of something similar. One of the women took offence and Brett had to change words use.

He did the best he could to address the issues but the majority of the group said a few things they eventually would backtrack on. They said they cannot trust Brett, the Peace Corps or anyone here because they are not doing enough to bring the numbers down to zero. Mitigation techniques, ways to protect ourselves and security measures and plans in place are not enough for many. It got fairly ugly and Brett brought up all individual staff had and were doing and then the group backslid but Brett was still at the forefront of being untrustworthy.

We were passing a mic around and it ended up in my hands and I wanted to say my piece, but was nearly shouted down saying so and so had her hand up first and longer, and it was awkward because I felt this was typical bullying I was getting from the group with my voice being minimized. I'm not sure I would ever get the mic back. I said a few things and was getting looks from one of the guys, like I was an embarrassment or that I was embarrassing myself. In essence I said I stand with the Peace Corp and felt they were doing everything they could. It was an act of social suicide. Someone later said here's yet another white 60 something year old guy standing next to another old white guy (Brett) and that was not good optics.

Break soon occurred and one person I had edited her video the night before, gave me back the USB stick and said she neither wanted it nor gave me any permission to use her in any video. Others gave me the cold shoulder if I sensed correct. It was time for me to do some damage control and I tried to apologize to many if I had offended them. Give it time someone suggested. Almost all the guys felt as I did that it was indeed an act of social suicide. But nobody would stand up saying the policies in place were generally good, if not some of the most and only things that could be done right now to minimize the hazards. I doubt nothing could have persuaded some of these folk, including some guys. It was like saying we needed to get rid of all guns and then there would be no more murders or death by guns or weapons. There is never enough. Agency will both help and hinder the world from being risk free.

I honestly don't feel some had done their homework with Madagascar and the Peace Corps and the associated risks. They don't seem to know what they were signing up for. I had a couple occasions to talk further with Brett and he indicated that this is happing all over the world in the Peace Corps. Young people are well on the path toward this need to have no risk, no worry, no possibility for sexual harassment or assault. Putting the risk and precautions in their hands with mitigating training and suggestions isn't enough. They want the Peace Corp to do much, much more but have no real answers to what would solve that issue. And until then, they feel their lives and virtue is at risk more so than they were given to understand. Maybe the Peace Corps didn't screen good enough, or those accepting service are more fearful than they led the Peace Corps to believe.

During that stand I made, one of the girls said I called them "Immature" I never used that word. Even Brett said that I used the word "mature" referring to me but her implication was that she heard me saying they were "immature". Of could that would have been bad to say out loud. Instead, I was only saying that on the inside. But they are certainly acting immature, in fact, coming back to our host families, the conversation from the girls is much more akin to that heard in high school. I really do feel that most have reverted to that mentality, priorities and age group in terms of so many areas. They worry more about their clothing choices, makeup, and all the inconveniences. It truly is a different world than I had expected. The quality of the volunteers is less than what I suspected. Only a few are here to do whatever it takes to serve. The rest seem to have their own agenda in terms of what they want to do, what they want to accomplish, and have not expressed enough openness to perhaps be willing or available to do what the people here are in need of.

For the next hour after that confrontation, I was fairly out of it and hardly hearing what the next lesson was on. Instead, I was weighing over what I would do next. I could just go silent and not participate in the classes. Or I could continue forward and continue to feel muzzled and pull back even more. Or something else. 

I think I've settled on giving it time as someone suggested and we'll wing it from here on out. I did got some support from a couple of the guys - one who was glad I stood up for myself and the Peace Corps. Even Brett was surprised but said that a few had approached him afterwards and expressed their support. He actually expect some to come and apologize but no one did. And no one was brave enough to say the quiet thing out loud but me.

It was an uncomfortable afternoon and evening. They had a dance party (yes, a dance party - High school 2023) and it was probably the first time they seriously brought out the alcohol - now that our first three "dry" weeks are behind us. I had no reason nor desire to go to the party but spoke with a few outside who were somewhat inebriated. I think I've won back a few more, but I think I know who has no interest in being my friend nor in forgiveness, empathy nor Christlike behavior. Am I being judgmental? Absolutely.

Thursday, 9 March 2023 (25)

The Mock LPI was this morning. It was the first time we would be tested on our language prowess. I had gone to bed at ten and awoke at five to study. I had a regular comedy routine written out in Malagasy and rehearsed but then I learned I couldn't use my notes and that pretty much dropped my ability to converse in the language from a six or seven to a two. I just don't have the vocabulary words ingrained in my head yet. I'm fairly sure I scored as very low novice. Will find out in the next day or two. Very discouraging, but from what others said, they probably felt similar.

Had a class on first aid. Very basic. Apply bandages, splint broken bones, wrap wrists and ankles for sprains, and how to carry someone (I was one of the victims) on a stretcher. That was it. No 911, no CPR. Hours to any mediocre hospital or clinic. Likely you'll have to be flown to South Africa if it's a more serious injury - like a fracture.

It's been a tiring couple of days. 

Our last class of the day was on transportation and logistics for our week-long site visits next week. It was probably the worst presented class we've had. The two presenters grasp of English wasn't the best and neither were their presentation skills. The charts were a mess, with print too small, not given to us but used in a power point. We'll be getting all of this information several more times as we get closer. No one is going to leave us out in the middle of nowhere in Madagascar and no one is going to not have food or accommodations. Many volunteers acted like they never had to travel by cab, make a hotel arrangement or get their own meals before. And we only get to do these things once to give us some experience while the other 20+ meals, and week-long accommodations will be taken care of by our site host families and the Peace Corps.

It rained like cats and dogs or more precisely like saka and alieka. (there's no plurals in Malagasy).

Market Day

The view out my window.

Monday, 6 March 2023 (22)

Long 1 - 2 hour ride in a van with 22 of us in it to a larger town called Manzakandriana which has a very large weekly market. Lots of rain. Indeed, rain is forecasted for the entire week. There were spots where I expected the vehicle not to make it out of the very deep ruts and we'd all have to get out and push. There would be plenty of mud to go round but we were spared by the great driving skills of a local who is one of the host dad's for a Peace Corps volunteer.

At the market we only had a hour. Quickly realized there wasn't enough time to comparison shop. If you saw it, you should bargain and buy it. Our language skills were almost useless as few understood us and they would talk to us in french or at least give us French prices. Or was it in Malagasy and it just sounded like French? Lots of mud at the market as well. Eventually, that face plant is coming.

Cedric and I teamed up and went exploring. I saw two BYU shirts, one that said Brigham Young and other that just had a "Y" on it. These were on people, not for sale or I would have bought it and probably paid less than in the states (ok, so it would have been used and probably nor fit me). But I know where those items are coming from. I helped bale a few of them when I was at Deseret Industries. Who knew I could one day be the beneficiary.

I had to buy 1/4 kilo of cow meat and a couple of tomatoes for our practice and then I spent another whopping 68,000ar ($16) on lots of other stuff including an umbrella, another pair of flip flops (I now have three pair - which means someone has indeed kidnapped Natalie's husband and replaced him with someone else). Plus an extension cord, and another converter plug, 8 colored pens, a dog bowl water dish (really just a people bowl), a couple of "World Colas", peanuts, a Mars bar and the real treasure - "Pringles". Paid a whopping 14,500ar for them. That's a lot when you can get a big chocolate bar for 1000 or 2000ar. Was it worth it? Probably not, but I think our cohort bought out all their inventory. This was at a gas station, the only one we've probably seen in Madagascar. I suspect the gas stations get a lot of tourists as they are the few who can afford to drive.

Others bought rum or alcohol now that we are three weeks in and the drinking ban is lifted. I could have bought two bottles (10-12 ounces) of rum for the Pringles price. It was good to see more people and a bigger town look. We are treated as rich Americans here, more than in Mantasua where everyone has been familiar with Peace Corps people on their doorsteps for years (aside from the last two with Covid).

On the topic - we all did our weekly tests this morning and one in our cohort, Samson, has Covid. How? Unknown, but he didn't show for the market and I just texted him and found out. It seems others did know before me but we're not big on sharing that news. He's isolating at PC Camp for now. No idea how this affects his training - probably just plugging in with tutoring at a distance outside I suspect. This can't be fun being isolated even from this sometimes unbearable group. I'm saving my Pringles for the man. I love the guy.

Language classes the rest of the afternoon - filling our heads with plenty of new words, sentence structures and Malagasy exceptions. Fun Fun. 

Malagasy Dental Work

Sunday, 5 March 2023 (21)

Slept in - 6am. No classes today. A good day to put things in order. With so little in property, it doesn't take much time to put things in their place or at least start to think about having a place for everything. A few things went back into the locked locker even if I don't lock it unless I expect to be gone overnight. That's when I'll put the laptop and cameras in it.

Got my laundry down from upstairs and put back on the clothes line. Got it all dried but I wouldn't call it really clean. Hopefully, the sweat and any major dirt found its way out. I think even our handbook suggests trying to get 2-4 days from our clothing and change our underwear daily. I'm working on a system to rotate three or four sets of pants and clothes around the room so I know what I should wear next. It's not a fashion thing around here. Fortunately, most of my clothes can be mixed and matched. Should be good for a week or ten days but I'll try and do laundry more often.

Studied until about noon. Have three small notebooks now - labeled shopping, conversations, meals (time spent with Robertini's). I think I'll add somethings to all the books like pro-nouns, verbs and some things that I'll always be able to use but specific phrases and words of items I would buy, things I'd talk about, or words related to meal time discussions. I feel better about my ability to get this language after putting in this extra time to organize and re-evaluate what I am needing. Wasn't doing well yesterday. I think if I just keep at it like today, I'll be fine.

The realities of Malagasy dental work

I went around and picked up some of the papers and garbage around the entrance to the fortress. I do not know why but there isn't an efforts to pick up very much around one's property. I could be wrong but have noticed this is other poverty stricken countries. I found a molar on the ground not far from the door. It looks like someone had taken it out themselves and there were large roots. It could not have been pleasant and I can't determine how it was done. It must have hurt badly. If we had dental problems here, the Peace Corps would bring us to a larger city that had a reputable dentist relative to Peace Corps and American standards. We are the fortunate ones even while living here.

Walked into town to meet people and part of that is shopping (sorry, it is the sabbath). Most of the stores are closed on Sunday (good for them). But I have other intents as well. I bought half a kilo of bananas at my friend Odette's shop. Then found myself talking to people here and there and before I realized it I was giving the bananas away. Spoke with two women and a child at the empty market place, spoke with four men at the meat vendor shop, came up to a group of a dozen (mostly men) who were playing a gambling game. It looked like an expanded tic-tac-toe board and they would put down 100ar bills on numbers. It looked like 1 to 1 rewards so I don't follow how the odds worked out for anyone except the game runner. I didn't want to gamble (I think it's against the rules and I wouldn't want to take from these people) nor did I have any small bills. But I did put an akondro (banana) on number five. Everyone seemed to enjoy me being there (we are novelties) and there was no air of worry, or concern for my safety. The rest of the bananas quickly disappeared.

It started to rain heavily and I found some shelter under a store front. A man who was inebriated was trying to talk to me but I could make out little. One of the others bought some notebooks and I did also along with more cookies and a "World Cola". I finished the drink and returned the bottle. I think you get a refund but refused any. Headed back home but the rain was on and off and very heavy. Stopped at Odette's shop and she offed me to come into her shack and out of the rain. I practiced my Malagasy with her and her friend. Other volunteers and Toto's got those cookies.

I had hoped to get a lot of editing done today but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. But I am pleased that the day  was restful, organized and helpful in getting me more optimistic about learning the language.