Conspiring to Change Roles

Sahanivotry from the hill

Wednesday, 9 August 2023 (177)

Here's the letter I wrote for ECA to use however they like. I think they were planning on sending it exactly as it is. They texted me tonight it was sent. Probably just to the head of the Health program here, maybe also to the English program head, but not likely to the new Country Director.

Dear Peace Corps Director, Health, and Education Staff:

Thank you for all your assistance to the ECA school through the years here in Antsirabe. As you know, we recently lost our Peace Corps volunteer Michelle last month. She has left a large gap in our ability to share American English and culture to our students. 

Fortunately, we have recently started to work with Rick Porter, one of your health volunteers who is currently serving in Sahanivotry. He has been here on several occasions and taught English and conversations with our students. We are very impressed with his teaching abilities as well as his energy, enthusiasm, and love for the students. We would like to have him teach here more often. We have heard about his extensive teaching skills, and they are obvious. He is very good at holding the student’s attention, inspiring them, and teaching not just the English language but culture, lifestyle and encouraging them to succeed in their lives. We appreciate that he is a mature individual with much experience from life.

We have had a couple conversations with him, and he has shared that he is having difficulties in his current role and perhaps struggling with the Malagasy language.

As you know, most of our students have a good start with English and many speak English very well. Rick’s Malagasy current skills would be sufficient and less necessary here.

We would like to officially request that he be reassigned to teach English here. We understand this is not common. We are of the opinion that the people of Madagascar might be better served if Rick can utilize his greater talents here. We like what we have seen and would love to use him more.

Very Sincerely,

The ECA Staff and Association Board

Friday, 11 August 2023 (179)

Painted a clear coat of polyurethan on the four doors and my window. This should help keep the basketball marks to a minimum. There's so much more I could and want to do here. Probably running out of time for any of it

Had my phone call with Mariah the new country director about 1pm. It was pretty much as expected - friendly, cordial, she showed interest in me and my situation but nothing could be done to change my role. If there was a security or safety concern, a site change would be possible but no change of Peace Corps roles is allowed. Seems this goes beyond her ability to control. Love it or leave it may be the only way to go. I was understanding but disappointed. Maybe also a little relieved knowing that I am being led to do what I've been preparing to do - leave Madagascar.

Options include Field terminate and live in the country on my own funds but I'd lose the free flight home and have no support or medical while here. I'd love to teach but realistically, not at that price. Going home to serve in a hundred different ways may be the best option at this time.

I let her know I needed a day or two to make any decision and just time to talk with Natalie and think over options could be helpful but I already know where I'm leaning and always have been if I can't improve the opportunity to serve.

Now seeing and thinking this is the last of all things in Madagascar. Time to appreciate what there is of it. Staying at Loavasoa in Antsirabe tonight so I can teach at ECA in the morning.

Saturday, 12 August 2023 (180)

1: 30 am there's a large exploding noise and the women's hot water pipe has burst in the bathroom across the hall. I'm on the second floor. It's starting to seep into my room. They don't have water turn off valves much here. At site, the water outside we use for washing and general water gathering has run for days before anyone from the town would fix it. I have bought two new faucets but it still took time for some local plumber to come around and then they were insufficiently prepared with no tools.

Just a few students for my conversation class. Eleonore is away and I broke the bad news to her husband. 

Sunday, 13 August 2023 (181)

Resignation Letter:

Dear Peace Corp Staff:

I am very appreciative of all you have done for me. I’m very grateful for the opportunity I have been given to serve the people of Madagascar these few months. Unfortunately, after speaking with my family and much reflection - I have decided to resign and return to the United States. I am sorry for any inconvenience this may bring to you and the organization. Reasons are complicated but I believe in doing what is best for myself, the Peace Corps, and the people of Madagascar. I feel this is the appropriate decision currently.

Please instruct me as to what must be done at this point. I will let my community know immediately and attempt to make this transition smooth, painless and with little fanfare, drama, and emotion. I understand that many items are the property of the Peace Corps (the Bike, repair kit, water filtration unit, footlocker, and gas tank) and will retain those items. I believe I may give other items of mine away. Please inform me if this is correct. I am in no specific hurry to leave but I understand policy requires a quick and efficient departure.

I am very proud to have served the short time that I have. Everyone in the organization has been helpful, kind, and supportive. They have truly done a magnificent job teaching me and giving me all the resources I need to survive and thrive here. I am sorry that I will no longer serve here. I love the people of Madagascar and have learned so many important lessons. I hope I have been an influence for good.

Thank you again. Please let me know what further steps I need to take.

Sincerely,

Rick Porter

This morning, David the carpenter came by. I showed him all the additional things I would be giving him and he was ecstatic. Then I handed him the 500,000 cash and he literally knelt on the ground and prayed to God to bless me. I told him he already has and that is why I have these things.

Spend the morning packing and giving away a few items. Just before noon, Salva and I started painting. We got most of the gray lower half of the hallways in the CSB and all of the front of the CSB. It was a good way to finish up here - doing something.

More packing and more giving away stuff.

The Country Director called me this afternoon and expressed interest in me coming to Tana Tomorrow. That might not be a problem but bringing everything with me including the Peace Corps items would. I have two 40-50 pound bags a backpack and a box of kitchen items for Rindra. On top of that they would like me to bring the Bike, helmet, life vest. Footlocker, medkit, water filtration unit, and gas tank. This could be a two other person job to get it all on the taxi-brusse and then make the transfer to Soatrans in Antsirabe.

I thought maybe I could take Salva and Manda but in talking with Sam and Rinda it was better to just leave the Peace Corps items. They would be more secure here and I could manage on my own or just with some help from Manda in Antsirabe.

More packing and more giving away of stuff.

Monday, 14 August 2023 (182)

Up early but still not enough time to do all that I need to.

Manda and Salva came earlier than I expected and everyone seems to be standing around while I finish packing. We head up the hill with Dobby and the last few items and tools I'm giving to David for his taking Dobby. Then we have to wait at the riverside as David comes and gets half a dozen others to right the swamped boat on the other side. Most people just walk across the knee length water. Not an option for me as we think this is how I got the blood infection a month ago.

Dobby is loving the fact that she's out in new territory and found at least one other friendly dog. They usually stand calmly while Dobby circles then and nips at their noses as a puppy does. We barely cross the river beaching the boat a couple times, hike the kilometer walk to David's house and see the doghouse I've commissioned for Dobby. It's an odd creation because it also has an attached pen to lock her in a small pen. I'm not sure why David thought this necessary. They tell me because people might want to steal her. If they do, doesn't that mean they just want her as a pet. Or can't they just reach over the short wooded fence and lift her out. I voice my concern that she need not be continuously penned up, only for a day or two until I am out of her immediate memory.

We depart after only a few minutes and I don't feel badly at all. I've been through the thoughts so much and know this is for all of our best interests.

It's another half an hour for me to finish packing and Doctor Clertant offers to drive me to Antsirabe. Manda and Salva come along. I'll need some help with the heavy bags and the box of kitchen supplies I have for Rindra. I offer to buy them lunch and return fare on the Taxi-brusse. I even give the doctor money for gas.

We get me a room at Loavsoa, run our errands which includes printing out the 13 page termination paperwork, and close my back account at MCB bank. AT lunch we run into Elder Nelson and five other missionaries, all dressed casually so it must be their P-day. His Malagasy is impressive and he's only been out a year. He converses with Manda and Salva and convinces them to come out to the Manadona church for some discussions. I tell Elder Nelson that these guys are the real deal and are golden if I know anything about their wonderful personalities. I add my testimony by telling them that whatever they may hear form Elder Nelson in the future - I believe also. And if they think I am a good guy, it is because of my religion. 

Eventually they leave as Samson turns up, coming from Tana. He'll share a room and dinner with me this evening. We head off to the ECA school and speak with Eleanor. We discuss the possibility of Samson teaching there as I might have and ask if the apartment could be had in exchange for his teaching. It was good to hear it's a possibility as Samson plans to attend IST and ET shortly thereafter.

We have dinner, I final edit and upload a couple more videos and can't sleep at all. It's partially due to the caffeine and partial due to the fact that I now have my airline schedule. It has me flying out at 12:55pm the day after tomorrow. Again - not enough time to do and say and finish my business here.

In the Presence of Heroes

A street in Antsirabe

Saturday, 5 August 2023 (173)

I decided this morning I'd be staying another night at Loavsoa here in Antsirabe. This morning was a repeat of last evening only I did a little preparation and had a plan and material to give. Had about 7 or 8 students. It could not have gone over better and I finished the 2 hours with a real reason to fight to be moved here.

I was honest with Eleonore that this has the potential of changing my desire to leave. I gained more out of these two session teaching than they could possibly have gained but I gather by the feedback that this is not the case. This feels and looks exactly like I imagined being in the Peace Corps should but it's not my full-time role yet.

Samson and I met up with Nada from Manadona and had lunch and hung out playing pool and catching up. Even she is struggling a little with language.

One of the students at ECA

Sunday, 6 August 2023 (174)

Had the opportunity to attend the Antsirabe branch sacrament meeting. They have a very nice church building here. Very big. I was late and walked into the back of the chapel and found a seat when within a minute two individuals came up to speak to me. We walked outside and talked, 1/4 Malagasy, 3/4 English. One of the gentlemen was the elder's quorum president and also a photographer. He asked if I could help teach English at an English club/class on Saturday's here. I explained that could be difficult with my other ECA teaching but possible if we worked out a good time.

I imagine what it could be like to live here, teach English at ECA and attend this branch. It seems so exciting and yet I knew it would require a miracle to happen. It would very much add to my interests to teach and make a greater impact here than in Sahanivotry.

On the Taxibruss back to site I came up with some ideas how we might make that miracle happen. If not, I’ll likely find myself leaving in September as currently planned. The idea is to write a good letter to the new country director. And appeal for the change not just based on my desire but also based on health, nutrition, water problems (that 12 day stretch with no water) and for religious reasons. I know if it was a security issue they would do it immediately but this is not just a move but a move to another sector. It is a very long shot.

Back from Antsirabe about 12:30. I found the door open and Salva nowhere to be found. He may have been just a couple doors away but I was here for 20 minutes or more before he even noticed I was back. That doesn't bode well for his keeping my place locked and secured. And Dobby had no water or food. And the food that was available looked depleted more than necessary which could mean he has been feeding her more than she needs and instead the chickens or other dogs come and eat it.

I did solve the headphone mystery. I mentioned how someone had taken my headphones and he said no, they are in my co-workers place. OK. But they didn't ask for permission. It looks like there are teeth marks on them so Dobby could have brought them outside but that still doesn't explain why the weren't brought back. It's complicated I'm sure.

Monday, 7 August 2023 (175)

Letter I sent to the new Country Director:

Dear Mariah:

First off, thank you for all you do for the staff, the volunteers, and the people of Madagascar. I am sure you will never receive the appropriate appreciation from any of us. And thank you for the many complicated issues you decide. Unfortunately, I may be bringing you one of those in this letter – with a possible fix.

I am currently your oldest PCV at 63, serving as a health Volunteer in Sahanivotry, about 1.5 hours south of Antsirabe. I wish I could report all is well here but there are a few complications I am having. 

First, I am struggling very much with the language – like all PCV’s but worse perhaps. I do have a tutor, but it is not improving. You likely already know I tested at Intermediate Low, and worked very hard at it, still do. Yes, I can survive, buy things, yes - I can hold basic conversations but no - I cannot fully function in health topics. I can read it; I can present badly but it is very difficult to connect or even understand others.

Other issues: Sahanivotry is a very tiny community, and officially my supervisor (Dr. Clertant) has asked that I be here only two mornings a week. One of those two mornings are so slow that even the interns find themselves playing games to pass the time. 

My diet is unusual, and I am having a difficult time finding potatoes, eggs or even bread here - even on market days. I’m not a vegetable eater and do not buy the local meat. I generally need to stock up in Antsirabe on weekends.

Water can be infrequent here. I reported a month back when we had no water for a 12-day stretch. Fortunately, I can purchase water and do store backup water. Also, as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon) I have been unable to attend many Sundays and know that has taken a toll on me mentally and spiritually. The closest church is very far away – there’s a branch in Antsirabe. And there has been some health-related issues that could be helped by a better diet. I was just recently in Tana for 10 days with a bacterial infection as you probably already know.

As an older volunteer I had hoped to serve in a greater capacity than I currently am. I do other things in and for my community, but I have been counseled not to paint so much, repair things at the CSB and so forth. It sets a bad precedence, but I find enormous value in feeling helpful through that.

I also produce many videos as I have a YouTube Channel you may have heard about (Madagascar Adventure https://www.youtube.com/@MadAdventure) where I am trying to tell many of the stories of the Peace Corps experience but specifically moving towards more about the people and their lives here in Madagascar. I brought four cameras, and this is what I did in many countries around the world as a profession. You may have seen the “Day in the Life” Video I just put online https://youtu.be/qUFwdAA54dc. Amanda, and the doctors have asked if I could assist in some videos on the reality of site living as well as wound care (to name two). I’m all for helping in those ways and have all the gear and computing power to do so. 

Here's the fix.

Of late, I have connected with the ECA school in Antsirabe where there has been English teaching PCV’s for the last 30 years when they helped establish that association. I have been working with Eleo Raharimiadane (Michell Bontrager’s supervisor) and all their staff and have taught on several occasions trying to assist them and pick up a bit of the gap since Michell left there a month ago. I cannot express how rewarding and helpful they and I feel about that opportunity. I did talk with Tovo over Health and asked for official permission, and he said if I didn’t need reimbursement, could do it on weekends, and didn’t tell my health supervisor it would be ok.

But the reality is, I love it. It is truly so much closer to the ideal of doing what I had hoped to do through Peace Corps service. These students are older teens and mostly adults at ECA with advanced English skills already. A minimum of Malagasy is required. 

Staff and policy may be that I haven’t been trained in Peace Corps English teaching methods. 

I am a professional teacher. 

I have a degree in Instructional science, just shy of a master’s in mass communications. I taught English writing classes, library research, and software / computers at Brigham Young University for several years. For years I produced videos for textbook publishers, taught safety, education and yes, medical health. Three months of Peace Corps teaching classes does not a teacher make - but a lifetime of teaching is a pretty good resume. My last job before retiring was as a job coach / trainer and those skills are also helpful here. In fact, Peace Corps originally had me pegged to teach literacy in Samoa. 

ECA is currently working on submitting a letter from their staff saying they have seen me teach and are impressed with my ability, as well as my motivating energy and enthusiasm for the subject. They like me and I love them and the students I have met. They also informed me that Zanoa from ECA had tentatively spoken with Eddie about switching me to English teaching, and they were not opposed to it but that it would also be dependent on the health people.

Let me say – I understand the Peace Corps experience for PCV’s isn’t always what we want it to be. We do small things, have small influences, do things that don’t seem important, don’t always change lives except over time and because of our attitudes, doggedness and just continually plugging away at what is a sometimes-difficult lifestyle. I get that and know I will and can make a difference wherever I serve. I serve at the Peace Corps pleasure.

But I am very frustrated mentally and physically, very unhappy, and very much feeling like ET-ing because at my age, I see many more rewarding opportunities to volunteer back in the states. But every time I walk away from teaching at ECA – I am truly happy. I feel I’ve touched lives. I feel it so much more is in doing what I am here to do, and what the Peace Corps would like me to do here, more than with my current role as a health volunteer. In health - I can’t communicate, I can’t connect, I can’t teach, and I don’t see a future there. And moving to Antsirabe in this role would likely solve or at least improve most of the other issues I am having at my site – health, dietary, mental, and spiritual, a real lack of purpose.

I would be happy to connect with my supervisor / doctor here and get his perspective and explain more fully to him if that would be helpful. We have had a few conversations (through my tutor) where these frustrations and limitations have been brought up. Also, with IST coming up – perhaps I could get a quick course in teaching English the Peace Corps way to help ease anyone who thinks I could use it. As well as take the opportunity to show my teaching abilities to the PC English teaching staff.

Realistically, I assume changing roles is near impossible except under extenuating circumstances. I am trying to convey those circumstances. Ultimately, I trust the Peace Corps and your decision in the end. I believe we all end up where we should be and doing what is in our best interest and in the best interest of those we serve. Again, thank you for hearing me out. I just want to love the people of Madagascar and serve them in ways that I feel I am best equipped to do. This service is an amazing adventure, and I wouldn’t have it any other way – unless it served the people, and the Peace Corps goals better. 

Thank You for your consideration,

Rick Porter

Tuesday, 8 August 2023 (176)

As I stood amidst the mothers and their babies this morning at the CSB, I realized how privileged I was - but not as you would think. Instead, I was surrounded by heroes. Mothers. They are the ones who should be given most of the credit -for raising their children, for teaching them to be good, to do good. All that is great and wonderful in this world is because mothers taught it to their children. In this land especially, where it is harder to live to adulthood - the baby survives, grows from infant, child, teen, and adult - because the mothers give them their all. They are the real heroes of this world.

And I get to weigh their babies.

And hand out vaccine books. I think it is an amusing highlight for them to hear me mangle their names. Everyone seems to get a laugh out of it. 

The first day ever I did not go to the market. I didn't need anything. 

Taught English to 8 or 9 this evening. Teaching is maybe not the appropriate word. We had some materials I had prepared and I have the word flash cards as a backup. That's pretty basic for people who know very little. They took notes and I'll really have to prepare if I keep doing this. There's quite a big difference between this kind of teaching and what is expected of me in Antsirabe.

I got an email from Mariah Cisse, our new country director. She acknowledged getting the letter and wanted to set up a time to talk on Friday morning. It sounds like more than a no which could have been conveyed by Amanda or someone else in the chain of command. Likely, she will grill me as to the extenuating circumstances. I'd hate to have to lie and say circumstances are worse than they really are but if there are no serious issues here I doubt there's any chance of a change.

I believe it is a win / win situation. I move and change roles; move to Antsirabe and stay longer - happily. OR I get a no and might as well go home before IST so I don't poison the well with any pessimistic ideas I have. Plus what good would it do me to go through more health training if I just leave a week or two later.

Personally, I don't think the move and change will happen. I think it is too much of a problem, a bad precedence and too difficult for the Peace Corps to approve unless it was for security, or life and death reasons. I expect they will say no after further questioning. And if I was them, what evidence is there that I would stay, or for how long with these changes. They might want some guarantees - I would. I can only think that I would give it more time and see what happens. But with a hard no - I will likely accept a departure before IST.

Return to Sahanivotry

Just another work day in Antsirabe

Sunday, 23 July 2023 (160)

It was quiet here as expected - just security and me. I went over the medical building where Doctor T did my vitals and took more pictures. All their findings are updated with Pretoria or go straight to Washington now. They have been told that I should stop taking the 4 tabs of Trimethoprim daily and instead double up on the anti-malarial drug I take daily.

I'm feeling fine except for the calves which are slightly swollen, red and that cause of all these issues.

Monday, 24 July 2023 (161)

Pioneer day though not going to be celebrating it here.

Another vitals check-up this morning where I was told that I probably won't be leaving here till Sunday. They want the bacteria and all its symptoms gone. So many PCVs return to their sites and systems return if the problem isn't completely taken care of here. I have mixed feelings. Mostly it's just about Dobby. I have no idea how they are treating her or how she is doing without me there. Hopefully, Salva is spending some time with her so she isn't feeling abandoned.

Grace from G57 stopped by and asked if I wanted to go into town with her. She is in Tana to get a new pair of glasses. We took the bus in and I promptly told her the wrong directions. I was a bit lost as there is construction on the street I was looking for.

We spent a little time and then she was off to meet a friend. I got some shopping done at the hardware and grocery store but am obviously at the end of things I am in need of.

Tuesday, 25 July 2023 (162)

I am hoping to get some editing done today. It would be a waste to have all this down time, peace and quiet, and great internet connections if I don't use it to catch up at least a little with the backlog of footage I have.

Will and Ally

Thursday, 27 July 2023 (164)

Another day at the hub. Another morning visit to the doctor here to check on my progress. I am healing well. The redness of the infection is going away. Technically it has only been fur days since the antibiotics have taken effect. They can't rush results and my body is not a fast worker. I've had no other symptoms than the infection in my legs. No fever, aches, chills - nothing. As usual, I discover what I was supposed to do with this ointment, this medication, only after I've started it, not before. "You've doing this twice a day" - Ok you didn't mention that before. "You're taking that at night," no, you didn't tell me that.

I wish I could say I've been very busy editing but I haven't. Yesterday I came back from my morning physical and slept till 2:30 in the afternoon. I was tired and chilled. Then went out like most days and hit the grocery store for something - anything. I've avoided treats, cookies, chips, sugar for the most part. I've been off the soda for several days now, drinking only juice - and water, if I must.

I have picked up some parts to build a camera slider. I've decided a couple things - until I change my mind again. One is that I probably will end up leaving Dobby here in Madagascar. Not that I want to, but I worry that if I ET (early terminate), some complication will arise that will see me on a plane and not her. I doubt the Peace Corps would care or even make the necessary arrangements to reserve me a flight with the dog. The last thing I want is to turn up at the airport, Dobby in hand and for them to say, "Sorry, no arrangements have been made". Leaving her here is one thing. Leaving her stranded at the airport is another. I need to plan for her to have a good home or at least a home. I will try and get her the necessary fix to keep her from getting pregnant though. Others have been saying this is a gift. I wonder how keeping her from her having her other pups is anything but interfering in the natural way of things.

The second thing is to stay until after IST at the end of next month. That's the two weeks of follow-up training after we've been installed for three months. We're to have some additional health training. And we're going to bring one of our counterparts with us for one of those weeks.

I don't know when I would leave after that but more likely will. That would have put me here more than six months and we'll see if I feel my projects are done by then. Now if the Peace Corps can use my skills and let me help them with training videos, that would be another thing. Doctor A was just telling me this morning that he would love to do a video on wound care for the volunteers. He had started one a while back with a third year volunteer but has no idea where that footage went. I told him to talk with the powers that be.

So that gives me a month to do things on my agenda. Maybe teach a little in Antsirabe, finish the interviews I started. Maybe do more interviews. Worry less about the Health aspect and focus in on my secondary projects (painting, videos, making friends, telling their stories).

I seriously do not see the desire to do the two years. I also worry another illness could decide that for me. I need to find a home for Dobby and try and tie up loose ends and get footage for new stories.

Two volunteers from G58 turned up this morning (Will and Ally) They had to report to the office and were told they can voluntarily ET or be dismissed. They were in a tourist town far south of here and just happened to run into Doctor T who was there connecting with an NGO he has worked for. The odds of him running into these two were very extreme yet he did. Unfortunately, he found them with a motorcycle Will had purchased. They now have a day or so to wrap up their service here and be transported home.

We went out to lunch at an expensive Italian restaurant (my cut was 50,000ar). They were fine with the Peace Corps decision and they plan on returning in a month to finish up a secondary project of theirs. They only have issues with the Peace Corps organization and its rules. They love Madagascar and the friends they have made. I can't say I agree but understand. But Will really could not have expected this wouldn't eventually be found out. 

Kristy and Ben

Friday, 28 July 2023 (165)

Met up with Kristy and Ben who were in Tana for their COS (Close of Service conference/Interview) They still have another month or more. I admire them for their dedication and how they decided to return to Madagascar even after they had been sent home when Covid hit. They are the only two of their cohort who returned to finish. Very Impressive.

I was told this afternoon that if everything looks the same on Sunday I should be able to return to Sahanivotry Monday/Tuesday.

Saturday, 29 July 2023 (166)

Just got back after an afternoon with a friend of mine who is in from out of town. We dined at KFC. Good to get out but need to edit.

Sunday, 30 July 2023 (167)

Last day in Tana. Amanda had asked to meet with me for tea at two. She had another guest, Elsie a PCRV who returned to work a Vanilla business on the East coast near Tamatave after her service.

I was hoping the reason for the visit was to discuss doing some videos for the Peace Corps. Now that Tojo has quit being an LCF he has asked for more money to produce videos as a freelancer and I think they are not waiting to pay those amounts. Instead they may be looking at me as an option. The question remains, how long it takes them to get this started. Some have said that this kind of additional service is reserved for third year volunteers but that will likely never happen with me. But yes, they are thinking of some site overviews to give prospective volunteers the reality of what they can expect their living conditions to be like. I also brought up the wound care video Doctor A would like to see done.

Other than that, I knew I should be careful before sharing additional information and sure enough when I did, it got turned around on me. I tried to express my "guilt" feelings as a pampered American here. We live above everyone else in terms of our lifestyles, our coming and goings, our better furnishings, clothing, food choices, everything. Perhaps, I could better have phrased it by saying I have much empathy and compassion for the people and their circumstances here. 

When I gave examples of what I did to compensate for my lack of health related service - I was told that maybe I should feel "guilty" doing those things and instead focus solely on health instruction. Easier said than done. With my poor language skills I am fortunate to have a basic conversation but yes, I could do more language study and work on it until I no longer have to read the flip charts. There's something about being in the middle of all this "guilt", this lack of communications skills, and facing the reality of what good or uselessness we think our roles are here. I did not appreciate the sentiment that I'm compensation in all the wrong ways and that I should feel "guilty" doing those things. I am sorry that I try doing different things, that I'm helping in ways I am both comfortable, familiar with and able to. This is what I can do regardless of my communication skills, regardless of my limited health limitations. The Peace Corps says all the time to provide the people with what they need and want yet we are forcing us to only addressing the health aspect, which we are sorely able to provide and in so little capacity (me at least) and saying no to any other needs.

Samson and I met up. Will came back in from his site. He and Ally would be flying out in a couple days back home. They had already made arrangements to return in a month and get back to finishing a project they had started here.

Dobby

Monday, 31 July 2023 (168)

Samson had made a reservation on Soatrans for 7am but decided to take a different transportation bus back to his place. I tried to arrange for a taxi to pick me up early but it kept ending the call when my credits weren't liked. Thus I never was able to arrange a ride and figured I'd just find a taxi early. I was up at 5am and out the door before six. I ended up walking a mile before a taxi did stop for me.

Fortunately I did get to Soatrans but could not communicate the reservation very well. It was difficult raising Rindra on the phone but she communicated the reservation and I was soon on my way. Otherwise I probably would have been at the Soatrans station for hours it being a very busy Monday morning with no reservation made.

It took an hour alone just to get out of Tana and arrived in Antsirabe well after noon. I bought some dogfood and just a few items for meals in Sahanivotry. Salva had been texting me several times and I think he was growing impatient. Dobby was happy to see me but no more than usual.

The Doctor, Salva and I talked for a bit. I gave the doctor the letter from Peace Corps explaining officially that I had been away due to illness. The doctor said he was happy to have me back. He showed me the now somewhat finished patient room that Salva had indeed pulled the tape from. They had made a compromise on the curtains and the one window still needs to be painted but it looks a lot better than the at the start.

I paid Salva another 40,000ar (80,000 total). He asked me for more, specifically 20,000ar and I reminded him before I left that I would pay him 5,000 a day to let her in at night and out during the day, and feed her (which he didn't run out of dog food after all), yes he did do some cleanup of the place as Dobby does make a mess in the room at night. But I did feel Salva was pushing it. 100,000 would have been closer to 10,000 a day and so I held firm as I was still paying him more than I agreed to. In three weeks I'll have to make another arrangement when I leave for IST for two weeks.

Generally, the place was in good condition. Maybe Salva didn't notice the cache of shoes, paint brushes and other items Dobby had stored around her bed under the computer desk. They had also moved all the items off the lower two shelves as Dobby has now moved into her destructive chewing phase as a puppy. Before her teeth didn't bite into items but now she's tearing them into pieces.  She had also broken her flea collar making it impossible to tie her up with. Instead, they had fashioned a very tight surgical tube as a collar. I replaced with a new collar I had bought in Tana anticipating this was soon to happen.

It was good to be back. I cleaned up where needed and gave Dobby a flea shampoo shower.

Tuesday, 1 August 2023 (169)

I was surprised that Dr. Clertant wanted me to interview him this morning. By lunchtime I had edited his as far as I could without translation and also completed the ECA school interview with Eleanor though I would like to get some B-roll for it.

Wednesday, 2 August 2023 (170)

A busy day. Manda and Salva both turned up earlier than I had expected. I explained to Manda my need to find a new home for Dobby and that I might not be here the full two years. We went over the need to translate some of the interviews and I lent him the smaller laptop to view and translate the videos I had ready.

It was interesting to see one of the interns with a pair of headphone that looked suspiciously like mine. Sure enough I could not find mine anywhere and I can only believe that he somehow got them out of my place while I was gone. Why he would so brazenly be using them in front of me I am not sure.

Eleonore and her husband (also the president of ECA) drove their motorcycle down from Antsirabe to meet with me. They are excited for me to come and teach there. My plan was to run up to David, the carpenter's place and paint but he stopped by and said it was too cold and windy (I think). That or something about the river being too cold and deep. So we put it off until I don't know when. I did propose the prospect of his family taking in Dobby, or at least trying to find her another family. I offered my solar panels (which I probably was going to give him anyway and possibly another 500,000 to buy a battery. I also explained how I'd like to build dobby a doghouse and gave him a 60,000 advance to get some wood.

He said he had to ask his family as they already had a female dog. Later this afternoon he stopped by again while we were playing a game of risk with the interns. They hated it and thought it too long. We ended it after maybe half an hour deciding blue should win. They had absolutely no idea of strategy and would weaken their positions on every turn depleting every country down to one army. Fortunately I wasn't playing just being the rule giver and referee. Otherwise I could have easily won.

Anyway, David came back to say his family was for taking in the dog. My plan is to deliver her over just before going to IST on the 19th of this month. We'll try and get the house built by then as well as many of the video interviews we've been collecting.

Thursday, 3 August 2023 (171)

I gave the Doctor's wife most of my coloring books and crayons today. She is on the board for the local school and I think she understood me when I asked if she could give them to the kids. I also noticed some of the kids were digging through the trash when they found some of the beads that Dobby had gotten into when I was in Tana. I went and got the rest of the couple hundred beads, letters and charms I brought and let them have at it. I'm never going to find more times and opportunities to give this stuff away.

Interns leaving us today

Friday, 4 August 2023 (172)

Doctor and I both took a Taxi-brusse this morning but he didn't go all the way to Antsirabe. I bought a new faucet as ours is leaking very badly. Resources may be scarce here but that doesn't keep them from being wasted. Bought some polyurethan as well for the doors to protect them from scuffing and basketball marks. Buying more dogfood to stock up though that won't last more than a month or two.

I think I've decided to tell Dr. Clertant when I come back from IST that I'll be leaving within a week or two. Give them some heads up and start doling out my possessions as meager as they are. I'm thinking the doctor gets my new, unused fan, first dibs at my cookware, while the girls get the gas stovetop. Manda will probably get the Chromebook and the large monitor will also likely go to the Doctor. It might be nice for them to have my big space back again.