 |
| Manda, Salva and I |
Friday, 14 July 2023 (151)
Salva and I picked up the Taxi-brusse in Sahanivotry and headed north to Manadona to pick up Manda. Today the three of us are headed to Antsirabe for an adventure. We are filming for the video idea I have for the "Day in the Life" video. I've got my list of shots, except I don't have it synced on my phone nor am I referencing it, but at least I thought it through and think I remember what it is I need to shoot. Salva is fairly typical for an 18 year old. He's on his phone a lot, doing many selfies and he's also shooting with the GoPro some - both good and bad.
We pulled out the audio recorder and staged some good 10 minute interviews with a metal worker, a PusPus driver (two actually), a seamstress (or one of the ladies who sewed my curtains for my place and the CSB), a blacksmith, charcoal seller and one of the teachers at the English Center of Antsirabe (ECA). Eleo Raharimiadana is her name and was the supervisor of Michelle before she ET'ed last week.
I mentioned to them that I might be interested in teaching some English in Antsirabe to help cover for the missing Michelle and then promptly realized I would likely be over extending myself. But after talking with Eleo (short for Eleonore), the president of their association and seeing the school - I suddenly saw a way to make a greater impact than I feel I am doing with health in Sahanivotry.
Now the possibility of getting moved over here and doing English instead of health is probably close to zero. I don't have that kind of pull and Eleo likely doesn't either. But perhaps we could get me involved in a class a week - as I will or plan to be here every week anyway. Not sure how or why I turned on the enthusiasm and charm but you would think I was interviewing for a job. I'm confident I have it as they would love almost any American and I am more than your average American.
I was asked to come back later and meet their head honcho and I did.
Eventually we got Salva on a Taxi-brusse back to Sahanivotry with four 8k buckets of paint. Manda and I are staying at the Lovasoa hotel - he in a dorm room and me in a single. I figured I'd rather pay for us to have our own privacy than share a room. For dinner I took him to the fancy restaurant Chez Jenny, next to Green Park Hotel. I don't think he is used to being so lucky and going to fancy restaurants. Yes, it's expensive for Malagasy but was only about $10 US for a nice meal for the two of us.
I'm running through lots of money every weekend I come up here - most of it in paint.
We got a lot of good shots including some street people, the PusPus guys sleeping in their vehicles and misc. shots throughout the day. I didn't get everything on my list but close.
Saturday, 15 July 2023 (152)
It's has been a tiring weekend and it's only half over.
We were out and filming about 6:30am. More interviews, more early morning shots, lots of kids, faces and market images. The people here are unlike anywhere else I've filmed. I can literally turn the camera on them and very few turn away or say no. Perhaps the hardest part is getting them not to stare at the camera. But if you just frame the shot, turn away from the camera or take a step or two away from it - maybe talk with another person, eventually the subject with go back to ignoring the camera and act natural in their environment.
I did pay some of our interviewees for their assistance. Most got 2000-3000ar (40-60 cents). Our second PusPus driver got a lot more, not necessarily because he gave us a better interview but because I felt inspired to. When we connected with him - I mentioned to Manda that we shouldn't just interview the first or any PusPus driver we encountered. But how to determine who that should be. Soon thereafter, I saw this guy. He looked very stern, outright mean - but he had character, a big guy. Once we started filming him we saw how soft spoken and kind he came across. He has been doing this job for 40 years and is just a year or two younger than me. He has ten children.
I worry though that these interviews won't be deep enough or get to the real point of them, to tell people's stories. Yes, I understand we'll never really get there with these short 10 minute interviews. I need to spend some real time with people and get material over the course of a season or over a planting season. Film their working, the processes they take with their products and services. But right now, this is what we are doing and how we're doing it. Manda is trying to interpret my questions for him to ask and he's playing director for me. There's no way I could do this without him and it will also require his help when we get to editing.
And then there's the crowds we've getting whenever we do one of these. People and children gather all around us (which can't make it very easy for our subjects to be completely relaxed and candid). We pulled our second PusPus driver off the main street and we still got a few people stopping to watch.
We also ran into Royal (one of the LCF's from PCTC) and we had breakfast with him. A few other PCV's were in town as well I think for one of the girl's birthday. And we ran into Thomas from G57. Tojo was also in town and although we tried to connect, we were not able to.
Home about 1 or 2 pm. I was able to have Salva put Dobby inside when he came home yesterday with some of the paint I bought. I also paid him to let here out again this morning. That seemed to help out with Dobby's messes inside but will never be the best solution if I intend on leaving here for 24 hours at a time. And she's still not housebroken though I am getting here outside more mornings first thing and in the middle of the night once or twice.
Tired of the two days. Don't want to play any games with the interns or staff here. If every day is an adventure - today I am tired of adventuring.
 |
| Salva and I |
Sunday, 16 July 2023 (153)
I applied for a position as a Peer Support Network person for our group. The process requires you to send in a 500 word essay and here is what I sent. If it sounds a little formal or clinical it's because I had a little help.
Title: Serving as a Peer Support Network Person: My Motivation, Strengths, and Qualifications
Introduction:
As a 63-year-old individual with a family that has relied on my support, and with shared experiences living in Madagascar, my decision to serve as a peer support network person is shaped by my unique blend of motivations, strengths, qualifications, and cultural understanding. Let me delve into my motivations, highlight my strengths, discuss my qualifications, and emphasize the value of my shared experiences in Madagascar in providing empathetic support as a peer support network person.
Motivation:
My motivation to serve as a peer support network person is influenced by the diverse experiences I have had while living in Madagascar. This rich cultural backdrop has taught me the importance of community, resilience, and mutual support. Witnessing firsthand the challenges faced by individuals in Madagascar has sparked a deep-rooted desire within me to make a positive difference in the lives of others. Also to help others deal with and cope with the unique challenges we have as Peace Corps volunteers. I am motivated to provide support, guidance, and encouragement to individuals who are navigating their own unique struggles. I have struggled myself and believe it would be helpful to share what worked for me or at least share possibilities to improve.
Strengths:
Living in Madagascar has endowed me with a deep appreciation for cultural diversity and the ability to connect with people from various backgrounds. This experience has heightened my cultural sensitivity, enabling me to create an inclusive and non-judgmental environment where individuals feel comfortable expressing themselves. By valuing diversity and fostering open dialogue, I can build meaningful connections and establish trust with those seeking support.
Furthermore, my shared experiences in Madagascar have instilled in me a sense of adaptability and resourcefulness. Living in a country with its unique challenges has taught me to think creatively and find solutions amidst adversity. These qualities enable me to approach problems with a fresh perspective, guiding individuals towards innovative solutions and encouraging them to tap into their own resilience.
Qualifications:
While my qualifications do not stem from formal education in mental health, my shared experiences in Madagascar have equipped me with a wealth of practical knowledge and insights. Living in a resource-limited setting has taught me the importance of making the most of limited resources and finding creative ways to address challenges. This ingenuity allows me to provide practical guidance and support to individuals who may be facing constraints or obstacles in their lives.
Additionally, I have raised children that are of similar ages and there might be some lessons I have learned from those years of practical experience. I may not have all the knowledge or tools about current practices but I have lived a very long and varied life that taught me a few things a younger person might not yet have experienced.
Shared Experiences in Madagascar:
My shared experiences in Madagascar offer a unique perspective on the challenges individuals may face, both culturally and socially. I have had to deal with my own resilience, strength, and sense of community in the face of adversity. This knowledge allows me to approach individuals' struggles with empathy, understanding, and respect, ensuring that my support is culturally sensitive and tailored to their specific needs.
Conclusion:
Though I am not sure some of the younger Peace Corps volunteers are interested in having a "father" figure assist them - I'd still like to make myself available and try and continue to be a role model for them.
As a peer support network person, my motivations, strengths, qualifications, and shared experiences in Madagascar may assist me to make a meaningful impact on the lives of others. Through my cultural understanding, adaptability, resourcefulness, and commitment to helping, I am equipped to provide empathetic support and guidance to individuals facing challenges. My experiences in Madagascar have broadened my perspective and deepened my appreciation for the difficulties the job, language and lifestyle brings with it. I am dedicated to fostering an environment of understanding and empowerment, where individuals can navigate their struggles with resilience and hope.
Went out on the bike south and shot lots of video for my current project - Day in the Life.
Monday, 17 July 2023 (154)
I had expected kids to turn up for the English class but no one did. Turns out they came at 2pm. I must not have communicated very well. But it did give me the opportunity to take Dobby up the hill and we started painting David, the Carpenter's house (or at least the doors and windows). Bright blue is what they asked for. Got two doors, a window and the bottom part of the upstairs balcony done. I need at least another day maybe two. I may not feel good about my Health volunteer role but I think I can serve in other ways which require no Malagasy communications and no special skills.
My hope is to fill everyday with something useful to others -- health wise or otherwise.
I was up late working on the "Day in the Life" video. Peace Corp has this competition and want videos from us about our day(s). I've turned it around a little and though the voiceover sounds like I'm talking about my day, I'm showing the people of Madagascar going through the motions or in some cases, opposite of what is being said.
Here's the script:
Day in the Life
Nothing here is quite like it is back home.
I begin my day much as everyone.
I often sleep in late enjoying the comfort of a warm bed.
I am fortunate to have my own room.
It’s nice having some privacy.
I'll wear some clean clothes or if I need to, wash them and put the clothes out to dry.
I’ll prepare some hot food for breakfast.
I’m not a vegetarian but am thinking about becoming one.
I've heard the weather here is warm in the summer and not very cold in the winter.
Fortunately, the cold doesn’t affect me much.
Then it’s off to work.
Everyone here has a job or two.
Some work with their hands, or work with machines.
Perhaps, I’ll take the bike to work.
Once in a while I have to take the boat across the river, and I’ll bring my bike with me.
Maybe I’ll get a ride in one of the taxi-brusses.
Or one of the human powered modes of transportation.
Maybe I’ll just walk and bring everything I need with me.
What will I be doing today.
Some of us work in Agriculture and assist those in the fields.
Others are teaching in schools, usually it’s literacy or English
I work in one of the small clinics.
People from the town come in from miles around for various concerns.
Tuesday is also market day. There’s always something I’m needing to buy.
While the adults are shopping, children are often playing.
They may not have the best toys but that does not keep them from having fun.
Even adults love to play games. I avoid doing so.
It’s not that I am unlucky, but I’d rather not take something away from them.
Nothing here is quite like it is back home.
People are happy. People live their lives as we all do – one day at a time.
And at the end of the day,
I recount what I’ve seen, what I’ve experienced, and I wonder if I’ve made a difference at all.
Before retiring I say a little prayer. May God bless the people of Madagascar.
I think it turned out well and gets me very emotional.
Here's the link:
Tuesday, 18 July 2023 (155)
Had a 20 minute talk with Tovo this morning on the phone. I thought he might be calling about the request for me to teach English but I had to bring it up instead. He said that would be fine on weekends, if I don't ask for reimbursement and if I don't tell my supervisor. He's worried it will show me spreading my time around and I could be teaching more English here which I am. He also said to try not to do so much painting.
Between the Health stuff, the painting, the English classes and the videos I think I should feel better about my helping here. Every once in a while I worry that my efforts are fleeting - the newly painted doors and windows and doors get scuffed and will eventually wear away. And the short conversations and the small talk just doesn't seem to make any long term difference. I will say Salama a million times today, smile and try to be kind. It's not enough or doesn't seem to be.
At the CSB weighing babies again. Not much more. In the afternoon, I finish painting the delivery waiting and patient room. Salva came by and helped. I should pay him something for his help. His aunt's place is on the short list to paint here shutters and doors. Of course I made my rounds of the market. The plan is to visit every week with the same people. One vendor knows I will buy 30 small bars of chocolate (to give away), another knows my favorite soda. I've been paying for a dozen eggs at one restaurant but I think today she just bought them from the store across the street while I waited. I think I'll stop it as it doesn't seem to be helping when she never can deliver them reliably and I'm not sure the extra money I am paying is worth her headache. Two other market day vendors regularly sell me their street food items.
And I've got a fever this evening. A couple bed bugs have started to get out of control and has pus and started a small lump. Let's see where this all leads to.
Trying to upload the video from here and am at 54% but it says it will take another 3 hours. The ECA school is happy to have me help with English and is expecting me Saturday morning.
Wednesday, 19 July 2023 (156)
Woke up sick. Had the chills, a fever and bad Spo2 levels. I was asked by Peace Corps to go to Antsirabe to be seen by the doctor there.
That put a damper in my plans as I had planned on being there Friday night to be able to teach at the ECA school Saturday morning. Then I was told I needed to come back in the morning for blood tests. It was another bad night with chills and other issues.
 |
| Covid and Malaria Rapid tests are negative |
Thursday, 20 July 2023 (157)
Instead of doing the tests in Antsirabe, they already had a Peace Corps car nearby who were doing site development work. They would drive me to Tana after first going back to Sahanivotry so I could pick up clothes. I had only bought what I was wearing.
The drive back to my site and into Tana is anything but an enjoyable experience when you are feeling fine. It's miserable when you are sick. Fortunately, I hadn't eaten anything all day so that wouldn't be coming back up.
I think Salva will do a good job of watching Dobby for now. I told him I would pay him to do so and gave him 40,000 for his trouble. Dr. Clertant was there when we drove back to Sahanivotry and I think it was conveyed that I needed some medical attention in Tana.
It took five needle sticks to eventually get some blood out of me. Then we had a chest x-ray. Results came back early evening that I had an elevated white blood cell count and we think it's a bacterial infection. It was serious enough that they brought me the right antibiotic medication at 9pm.
Friday, 21 July 2023 (158)
Ended up going to bed last night with no observable problem in my calves and woke up with more redness and tightness. More blood drawn - this time only two needle pokes. Feeling better above the waist but looking worse below. They took pictures and send the information to Pretoria, South Africa and Washington DC for medical doctors there to consult and recommend any further treatment.
The doctors have very specific instructions for me which I have a hard time liking. No sugar being one of them. Leaves me just water. In fact I'm about to use up all my food here. I bought enough for the weekend, barely. And the food I have been making is fairly bland. Maybe it's my condition, maybe it just the food I'm buying. It doesn't help that the kitchen here at the hub has no condiments or spices including salt or pepper. The Peace Corps really knows how to treat you well but with just a few gaps in the process. Perhaps no one has mentioned it before.
Saturday, 22 July 2023 (159)
Sleep was better than the night before. You just get used to woolly blankets, a foam pillow and mattresses and room temperatures not necessarily regulated. The hub here has so many open windows and circulation leaks that temperatures are 10-15 degrees warmer than outside - which isn't bad. Temperatures are 53 to 70 today.
There's no indoor heating just electric ones.
But now at least, I am feeling that my need to come to Tana has been justified. If I had to come here, I had better have something more than a cold or a few easily overcome symptoms.
At the same time I feel like I am a problem child on most levels. Age, language, rebellion (meaning I don't always do what the doctors tell me to, nor tell them all the issues). I generally have not always followed their recommendation (the water thing, my nutrition - and they don't even know about unauthorized visits.)
I may be at a crossroads.
To serve here has a very high price.
One must learn a new and difficult language, only then to barely be able to speak in incomplete phases, work with language apps, all just to express basics. I feel my supervisor, Doctor Clertant must think me a complete language idiot. We communicate in a Malagasy, French and English dance where only a thought or two can be explained but nothing deeper than the surface. Motivations and details of what is bouncing around in our minds are sparse and almost unknown. I'm sure we've misinterpreted so much between us. We've had some good discussion when Rindra (my language teacher) was here and the Doctor and I were better able to express the thoughts we both had. We each thought the other was unhappy with the relationship and that wasn't the case. Now we are back to guessing what is wanted and how things are really going.
As volunteers, we know enough language to survive but it would take an hour or two a day of study to get much better. And yes, I have a tutor (Manda) for 10 hours a month but I use him more as an interpreter and cultural coach. He helps me get interviews, asks the questions I give him and translates them afterwards. Returned Peace Corps Volunteers (RPCV) who spoke to us during training told us that they still didn't know the language very well and they have been living here for five years. The new words I learn are related to the work I perform and use all the time. I know a few more painting terms, maybe. I've got the word for cold down but can't seem to ever remember the word for hot.
Food is an issue. I already didn't eat healthy in the states but now my choices are severely limited. Eggs, potatoes, good pasta and meat are hard to get in my town. In this area of the country - in the interior, there is no fish available except the dried kind and Peace Corps says we have no idea how long it's been dried or if it's even safe. I wouldn't even know how to cook it and I've tried asking. The fish that can be bought in Antsirabe are usually small and I struggle with seeing the effort to value of cooking them with all the time to scale and debone them. People here can spend an hour or two cooking here on their charcoal burners. Fortunately I have a gas burner stovetop. People here don't catch and release - every fish, whatever the size is food.
The Peace Corps recommends we don't eat the meat from the local butchers. I agree. Twice I bought locally and both times I could not tell if the problem my cooking or the meat. Weekends, I buy a kilo of ground up meat in Antsirabe but I had better eat it in two days. By the third, smell and color tells me it is turning bad without refrigeration.
I have my staple of six go-to meals. Pasta, pasta with meat, pomme frites, eggs, canned tuna or sardines (bought in Antsirabe) in a mayo/ketchup sauce heated up and eaten with crackers, and fried bread/scones (I drift to the no eggs, no yeast variety which are more crunchy, less bready.) There's no good bread here in Sahanivotry because there's no ovens. The three or four bread sellers during market are drying it out so much it's like a long baguette crouton. I'd love to make and have sandwiches, which I would have every day but alas - no bread, no meat, no cheese. But they do have tomatoes (sometimes) I should probably eat more of them.
I eat one meal a day - maybe I'll fry up some eggs for breakfast when I have them. I may supplement it all with cheap cookie treats unless I don't buy any in Antsirabe which is probably for the best. And I'm never taking enough liquids. It's embarrassing to admit my lack of variety and nutrition so I usually don't. Even admitting it here is embarrassing. Most people don't understand this. They come from a tradition of vegetable eating and I lost that before childhood ended. Most embarrassing is that I live in a country that eats rice with all their meals. I have some, sitting in a container marked "rice". I haven't had any since installation here two and a half months ago. Maybe I'll try it again. Just got to worry about the rocks in it as growers may have dried it out on the road, and not on a tarp. I've already been a victim of the "rock in the rice" when I was served it at a meal at my host family. Maybe that's partially why I am rice skittish.
I do know better. We've had classes and training on nutrition. I'm even provided with flip charts to give presentations on nutrition. That doesn't change my mindset. I don't eat what I don't like and that’s usually most foods. There are plenty of vegetables and I know everyone likes them. Or so they say. I don't. I bought some pickles when I first got here but they were not sweet pickles - more cucumber than pickle. I do eat bananas (when available) and if I can find a pineapple that doesn't look so bad. I don't think they are in season so most of them are not the good summer ones or I'd eat a pineapple a day (no apples here).
Had some peanuts the other day (they don't salt them here). They didn't digest well. It's as if I was raised on another planet when it comes to what I eat. Eating brings no real joy or satisfaction - certainly not here - it's mostly for the calories and because I occasionally do get hungry - but not much. Food can bring a level of comfort or happiness or even escape from whatever. But not for me, not here. But hey - I take a daily vitamin.
Health is an issue. I'm generally fine but these last few health issues have worn on me. In the last few days I've had no appetite for food or Madagascar.
Mental and spiritual issues. Church does not give me a lot of value or strength. I say that knowing I am wrong but I have not felt it and don't expect I need to see it's long term effects and how it fills those needs. I'm an oddity even at church and sitting in on a Sunday School or priesthood lesson just doesn't serve much purpose except to fulfill a duty or obligation. I might as well be studying language. Mostly I just study the congregation. Church doesn't have to give me something. In fact, the lack of the opposite is the issue. I only go to church to give. It is all about giving and serving but here there is so little I am able to communicate or understand. I can't contribute except is silent ways, example maybe? I can't listen (well maybe that's all I can do - without understanding). There's no calling or role for me here. I'm not even sure my records have been transferred here. I'm an hour away by bike.
My prayers and mind are fine. I do not question God, or think badly of the way things go when they do. He's allowed me to experience something I asked for. I'm learning lessons. Lessons that can only be experienced by going through. I am not sure I was or am prepared for the empathy and concern in seeing what I am seeing. My heart is breaking and here I'm writing about my problems. They are nothing in comparison.
I have a very hard time seeing the success - and I certainly know how little we can measure it. The little I actually can contribute appears to have so little long term effects. I know it's there but it is so difficult to find or believe in. Weighing babies, painting doors and windows, playing American games, handing out chocolate and balloons, and taking their picture. The people here need so much more than my full 24/7 efforts and I am far from doing that. No matter what is going on in my life, I still have a life of privilege as the people here are doing so much worse and dealing with it better. They have less to compare, they know less of what is available, what could be.
I feel so badly that I cannot do enough, communicate enough, nor serve enough to justify my being here. At least in the states I can communicate. Here I am a mute servant with no way of truly knowing, understanding, sharing, and taking action in a meaningful way. I'm always working on it though. I'm sure it must all sound negative. It's not meant to be.
I know am doing what I can, however I can, where and when I can, and with whatever means I have available. But this place is so poor, these people are just surviving day to day. It is so overwhelming that anything and everything I do can never, will never be enough. I know my staying or leaving is not entirely in my hands. I see the crossroad. It appears I don't get to have full say in which direction the travel takes me in.
No comments:
Post a Comment